val

2009-04-20T20:02:00.002+10:00

For those who asked, my birthday wishlist:

- Agnes B. dog tags (The glittery ones. Always wanted one of those. Haha.)

- Small Bag (Just big enough to fit my wallet, my phone, and maybe some make-up. Friends, you know the sizes of the kinds of bags I carry, and they're way too big when all I have in there is what I just mentioned.)

- Clutch (Never owned one.)

- Top (? Hahaha. I really don't know. Something slightly nicer than my usual plain white tee?)

- Chanel 2.55! (Hahaha. Ok, I'm kidding. Actually, no. But, yes.)

- Nokia E71 (Sighh. Ok, yes. Something more realistic.)

- Nice trench coat for winter (I'm desperate cos I don't have the time to shop and the weather's getting colder by the day.)

Ok. Ciao!

2009-04-04T13:26:00.003+11:00

I'm moving on to greener less crowded pastures. Where the sun shines more candescently without being clouded by big, wretched, disgusting vultures circling in the sky. Yes. A grassland without you obnoxious creatures will be a very good change.

So I bid thee farewell. The vultures, friends, foes, and the good people. This space has been good to me. Maybe I'll see you soon. And oh(!) my(!) God(!), YES! "Soon" could possibly mean in 1 hour. Heh.

2009-03-27T01:30:00.002+11:00

My MV of the month. It's pretty awesome.

I'm slowly emerging from the sad shell of mourning for Nika. I'm spending lesser days and hours bawling my gut out in my room, and those vivid daydreams of him appearing in front of me are also slowly starting to fade. I guess we never really get over the passing of a loved one. You just learn to come to terms with reality and find ways to live with it.

I just hope I never forget his smell, his puppy face, and how it feels to cuddle him.

So I actually have my very first assignment due tomorrow/later today, and I'm only slightly over half way through my piece. I'm struck with the Journalist's Block, not that I'm much of a journalist, so you find me youtubing and blogging. Which should so not be the case since I still have 213 journalistic words to write.

Maybe I should vacuum my room to clear my head. Or not.

Ok fine, back to play journalist. Or mayb just 1 more time with Her Morning Elegance.

2009-03-19T22:44:00.004+11:00

Once it hits midnight, I would have finally gone 1 day without shedding a tear. I feel almost anhedonic. I make it a conscious effort to not space out and start lamenting.

It actually really starts to feel sore at some point. It actually really starts to hurt, physically.

I've been pondering to myself, how it's gonna be like when I step into my home for the first time after a semester here in Melbourne. And I can feel it right now, how it'd feel then. Scant amount of welcome. Weak Hellos. Crooked smiles. A gaping hole that is the absence of a particular sight and sound that was always present every single damn time I walked in through those doors for the past 10 years. The pain the emptiness will cause will be ineffable.

Maybe if he could hear my heart pining for him, he'd stay. Maybe if I bought more fish sticks, he'd stay. Maybe if my maid never left, he'd stay. Maybe if I never left, he'd stay.

Great. So much for going a day without shedding a tear.

2009-03-16T00:05:00.001+11:00

Knowing that you've gone somewhere I cannot follow. Kills me. I love you. Please don't leave. I need to come home to you.

2009-03-10T01:05:00.004+11:00

Yes, above are the 2 whom fate has chosen to place within audible range of my annoying drone. Yes, the both of you have no choice but to endure my relentless clacking and emotional explosions of everything, nothing, what is, what isn't, and all else at random mode for the next year and a half. I promise it'll be all but boring. :)

Dinah's moved in under my staircase, just like Harry Potter in his muggle home. So if she ever pisses me off, all I have to do is jump up and down my flight of stairs and she can forget about sleeping or having any sense of peace. And if I ever piss her off, she could shut down my electricity. :(

Different note, this weekend was a long one. Monday/Today was/is Melbourne's Labour Day. Apparently not a Uni holiday for some, but it was for me! So I spent it in bed till 3pm. I swear I had intentions of getting outta bed earlier, but it was just so... difficult. And I finally realised why after I got up and tried to walk. My whole body was aching. It still is now. From my arms to my shoulders to my back to my right butt cheek and my legs. Thank you, one whole afternoon of tennis. You've certainly shown me how unfit I've become.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASMINE BABY!! Ok, not so baby. You're 21! Ok, and I should stop reminding you that you're getting older, but yes, you are!! I hope you had a wonderful 21st, and I really hope you liked what I got you. I'm happy to be here with you to celebrate with you as you reach this milestone, and I wish you all the luck in the world in pursuing your dreams and your aspirations and becoming who want to be in the near future. I have every faith in you. But above all else, I wish you happiness and a good life. No more dwelling and brooding over matters that would only trigger sadness and tears. Only the good things and only to be happy, because at the end of the day, that's the only thing that matters. Happy birthday my dear friend. :) I love you lots.

Ok, school's at 9.30am. No more skipping ropes.

2009-03-04T14:29:00.002+11:00

I hear the bells

They are like emeralds, and

Glints in the night

Commas and ampersands

Your moony face

So inaccessible

Your inner mind

So inexpressible

I can hear the bells

Are ringing joyful and triumphant, and

- I Hear The Bells, Mike Doughty

And here I thought, I was one of the most studious 20+ year old you would ever find. I missed my class today. Mind you, I had every strand of intention to attend this class. I woke up on time, showered, changed, made up, packed my bag even. Just before stepping out, I checked my timetable for the location and discovered, instead of at 1.30pm, my class was at 11.30am!! Gee, Val. Way to swing for your first week at school. And I have been depressed ever since. Thought maybe a cup of Robert Timms would cheer me up, but I think my depression stretches beyond any comfort an aromatic cup of coffee can give. :((( Missing class was never this hard.

I'm sticking my timetable on the wall infront of my desk. No more skipping/missing classes.

2009-03-03T14:54:00.002+11:00

Things about Melbourne that makes me happy, not in order of preference:

1. The weather (when it's nice and cool)

2. My home (it's along the Orchard Road of Melb man :D)

3. My almost done up room (I need a bean bag)

4. Shopping

5. Lift

6. Victoria Market (cheap cheap, everything cheap)

7. Korean BBQ

8. The beaches

9. Seagulls (this is until they do smth to me like drop their manure into my hair)

10. Carlton Draught (I think I found my new favourite beer)

Things about Melbourne that makes me unhappy, also not in order of un-preference:

1. The weather (when it's humid and windy like today. I won't be surprised if I get an eye infection from all those foreign particles that were blown into my eyes)

2. The trams

3. The train (generally, the transport system)

4. Walking (omg, can die)

5. Movie ticket prices

6. Trying to get a telephone line and an internet connection

7. The cab fella that asked me to stop fiddling with my coins

2009-02-28T20:09:00.002+11:00

Trying to get wireless at home was an ASTRONOMICAL pain in the behind. But we FINALLY got it up and I'm as happy as a bunny!!! :) No more pouring through fliers and googling away on $3.50 per hour at the lan shop across the road.

Trying to set up a connection here was a nightmare. They go by size. Yes. Size. So you have deals like 20GB for $39.95/month, or 70GB for $89.90/month. And that's already one of the best deals we've come across, they get more expensive. And there's mobile internet, which means they give you/you buy a device so you can plug in and surf on the go. And for that, you have prepaid which goes at 1GB for $19.90/month (impossibly exorbitant), or plans that go at $39/month for 6GB. The hellish thing about setting up our connection was trying to find a telco + internet provider, and only after multiple calls and difficult conversation with different telco companies and internet service providers did we discover from a genius service assistant from iSage that we actually ALREADY have a phone line AND internet, and all we needed was a modem router.

Alright, so I'm quite hungry for some mindless online games and web surfing, and I intend to get bloated on it. Now.

2009-02-02T18:04:00.003+11:00

My dog's coughing got me outta bed at 5 in the morning. His condition's deteriorated in the past couple of days, and I discovered was due to a shortage in his medication. Apparently we'd run out of his pills since one of the first few days of CNY and we have yet to stock up. Wah lao. And I honestly don't think my parents actually feed him his syrups. Actually, I don't think they even feed him his meds religiously. I'm taking over until I fly, and I'm going to the vet to buy 10 months worth of medication so my parents have no excuse.

I want to come to home to Niks in December.

2009-02-01T12:21:00.003+11:00

It's 9.21 on a Sunday morning and instead of being still dead to the world, I've been wide awake since 8.20, sobbing to Nickelback's new album. Sobbing k. Not even tearing. I don't know what's tugging the heart strings. Mayb it's just the song. I don't care. I'm gonna make sure the DJ spins Nickelback's Never Gonna Be Alone at my wedding.. that is if I'm ever getting married. Or mayb you'd like to employ me as your music coordinator for your wedding? Pretty please.

So this weekend's been pretty interesting so far. Spent the most part of Friday with Bay. Had lunch and coffee at Compass Point. :D Yea man. The Starbucks there had quite an ambience. Perfect for some quiet time. Also managed to catch up with my childhood friend and her friends at Timbre before heading to China One then to Rebel.

Anyway, here's the interesting thing. I had to go all the way back home from wherever I was, which was actually just from Bay's cos we dropped her off and was about to head home anyway so ok fine I didn't have to go all the way back but you get my point, to open the door for my completely wasted brother. The last I saw him was at China One when he'd apparently already downed a bottle of vodka. And yes, he was already jabbering away incoherently. He introduced me to his colleagues as his 4th girlfriend. Kill me.

His friends managed to sneak his phone from him so that they could reach me cos he refused to give them my number. By the time I got back, I found my brother already passed out on the floor of my void deck. His friends had to support him all the way into his room while I scurried around doing everything else like opening the door, wide. Getting fresh plastic bags for the puking thing. Making sure he had warm water by his bed. Removed all breakable items from his pocket. And I even had to scrub the spot where he puked at my doorstep because the blood, yes the blood, was being stubborn.

After scrubbing n locking up, I started to imagine if I were in his place and him in mine, I bet he'd never let me forget how I inconvenienced him and continually mock how much of a screw up being that drunk made me. All I did the following morning was advise him to go see a doctor cos of the blood.

Oh well, ending this with Rachael Yamagata's Horizon playing on my iTunes.

2009-01-29T06:23:00.001+11:00

This is depressing. I just defaced my sleek little laptop battery. 1 drop and it's now cracked and chipped all over the place. :((( I will never ever again attempt to place delicate objects around my working area. I want a new laptop battery. Now. Buy tmr.

On a separate note (even though I'm still uber depressed about my laptop battery :((((( ), CNY was same old. I recall being super excited every time CNY was drawing close but whole idea of donning new purchases, delectable dinner spreads, mountains of gui jis is kinda losing it's charm as the years pass. All save the red packets of cos.

This year, my father bought several... items he never used to buy in preparation for CNY. Actually, make that "he never used to buy at all". 1st was the huge mini mandarin orange plant thing. He placed that right outside the door, apparently to welcome guests into the house with fu2 (that's hanyu pinyin). It's actually a little bit in the way. 2nd was a pair of brilliant coloured flower plants. 1 he placed at our dining area, the other beside the telephone. A little too glaring for my taste, but whatever makes him happy you know. And last but certainly not least, this fire cracker toy that, with a flick of the switch, chants new year greetings followed by fire cracker cracking SFX. And it runs in loop! He turns that on every time guests step into the house.

I think my father's so cute sometimes.

SIGH. Still depressed about my laptop battery. And I'm starting to get depressed that my father's making all these unique purchases as well. I fear age is catching up on him... :(((

I'm just gonna try sleeping the depression away.

2009-01-15T07:14:00.003+11:00

I wonder if it's generally understood that different people function differently. What makes me angry might not necessarily be the same thing that gets you boiling. What gets me excited, might jolly well be something you do everyday. What irks me, you might take pleasure in. And how you can enjoy and bask in this thing that irks me so terribly will make no sense to me whatsoever, but that's just how you work and I get that. You should too.

I cannot be a different person who likes and dislikes different things. I'm me. I like my Japanese brown rice snacks. I dislike brinjal koropok. I like pepsi twist. I dislike that wheatgrass drink thing. I like helping my friends when they need help/advise. I dislike it when friends don't listen to advice.

Do you like brinjal koropok?

---

1 month till I deport to Aussie land. Everything's pretty much in place, just that I'm suffering from a bit of cognitive dissonance. But as my very wise neighbour has expressed, "You don't have to come from the best to be the best." He put it very matter-of-fact-ly, but it undoubtedly lifted my spirits. Finally someone who's said something in support of my choice.

You know what's gonna lift my spirits even more? Shopping and movie with a good friend whom I predict will be late for our appointment tomorrow due to a hang over from making too much merry tonight.

I leave you for the bed with some random shots taken at the Air Show 08.

2009-01-06T04:35:00.002+11:00

Time: 1.35am

I just cleared all items off my dresser top, and I'm almost done with packing out the drawer that I intend to use now because there's just too little space. I started my cleaning therapy at 1.14am.

I think the best part about packing is unearthing letters, diaries and random notes (by self or from others). I just uncovered a CNY card (yea man, writing CNY cards to each other was the in-thing B.C) my friend Philicia wrote me, way back when we were in Primary 5. I wonder how she's doing today. We haven't spoken since we all got separated into different classes in Secondary school.

Time: 2.29am

I'm almost done. I thought I had a lot of things on my dresser, but I thought wrong. Looks like I'm in no need of the makeshift cardboard drawers I bought from Ikea over the weekend.

I've decided to reward myself with prawn flavoured maggie and some spam right after I'm done placing the last item back on my dresser. Egg-sai-teed. :)

Or maybe I should exercise restraint. Fat. :(

Time: 2.56am

Screw restraint. I'm cooking myself that maggie and that spam. My dresser's dust-free and back to looking neat, and I deserve food and TV. Oh, and I promise I will abstain from turning it back into the corner of unmeasurable entropy it once was. :/

But back to this whole packing thing, it's actually not that bad! My study desk's next. And the multiple bags full of everything and nothing under it.

Ok, maybe I won't eat. Fatigue just hit. And he brought Little Ms Dizzy along.

PS: I really like the scarf I bought earlier today. I seem to be looking at Aussie Weather Proof items now, everytime I shop.

2009-01-05T08:44:00.006+11:00

I'm in so much trouble. It's already 5.45 in the morning and I'm not the least bit sleepy. I swear I'm gonna be late for my lunch appointment with Dinah later today. Hoorah to sleeping at ungodly hours and waking up at 4 in the afternoon the past few days.

So so.. it's a new year again. I think 2008 totally just whisked by. I barely felt/lived it. I think 2008 was only made up of 182 and a half days.

This year, my resolutions are simple:

1. Start exercising (15mins of wii tennis before bed totally owned me. I brushed my teeth with much difficulty)

2. Quit smoking (I think this's like my yearly resolution. One that I will keep making because I'm that determined to quit. No, really.)

3. Sleeping right (Not at ungodly hours aka tonight/morning/day)

4. Upload and share all the photos in my camera (I promise)

5. Spend more time with my family (I love them to bits, but there's just so much to do.. :/ )

I'm already working on resolution number 4. So good news for everyone I owe pictures!

Speaking of new year, my new year celebration was quiet, satisfying, and totally sober. No festive drinking, and I totally don't miss getting intoxicated. New Year's Eve, we checked ourselves in to a neat little room in Marina Mandarin. 15th floor. Spectacular view of the Esplanade bay and the fireworks display.

Didn't manage too many pictures during the fireworks. Wasn't about to experience the whole session through my camera screen, as wide as it may be. The view from our room was totally (I know I use "totally" alot) amazing. What made having a room even more amazing was looking at the massive body of humans below, knowing that you're not part of them.

We had a taste of what it felt like being in there, and it wasn't too tasty. In a bid to soak in some New Year spirit, we decided to plough through the crowd between the hotel and Esplanade. That was at 11pm. We survived it unscathed. Returning to our crowdless, air-conditioned room could have been the highlight of the night if there weren't fireworks.

Ok. It's 6.36 now. I think I've spent enough time looking for album artworks. Upload images. And downloading music. I think I see a bit of sun.

2009-01-02T05:42:00.004+11:00

Sadie: My family said some things to me yesterday about me not relying on you, and it got me thinking about that stupid truck you drew in your wedding vow notebook. And I know this is going to sound so weird but, that's why I love you. You know, you don't always say the right things or do the right things but somehow I know you would jump through a hoop of fire for me.

Ben: Hey can you do me a favour? I think you should come to your window..

I left my vow book at home so I just figured I should write a few of them down here. What'd you think?
I'm so sorry. I messed up!
Me too.
No. There was so much I had to say. I just didn't know how. I need to try..
I need to stop doing everything myself and share the reigns with you.
And no matter what I do around your family, I know you're gonna support me.
And if I'm ever driving blindfold, then you're the one I trust to guide me.
Guess what. I wanna have as many kids as we possibly can.
Really? 'Cos after Macy's I definitely want 2. Or maybe 3..
I need to be more decisive. About napkins, about..
Napkins. Cheese. Anything. At the end of the day, I'm gonna rely on you.
'Cos nothing means more to me than you. Nothing. I love you.
I love you.

2008-12-30T02:33:00.002+11:00

It's so cute the way you're lying in your bed right now. As dead as a log. Occasionally letting out a snore in-between your heavy breaths. There's nowhere else I'd rather be right now than here with you and you with me.

They say the best things come when you least expect them to. You. You were definitely unexpected. You. You, the best thing. :)

Ok. Time to wake you up.

2008-12-25T06:14:00.003+11:00

I'm so fucking upset and vexed beyond salvation right now.

2008-12-19T07:30:00.002+11:00

Chocolate Mcflurry just doesn't taste the same without you. Come home soon.

2008-12-05T22:32:00.000+11:00

I'm hooked on The Wallflowers' rendition of "I Started a Joke". It's been on repeat for the past 2 hours.

Theodore's gone missing for the umpteenth time. This time, CS was nice enough to put in place of him an etched-out image of him, printed on paper, in black and white. I hereby leave him in your care, Nicnic. Take good care of my love.

Ex-Idol contestant just totally made me feel like gagging. "Wherever I go, that becomes my area." ? *face turns green*

Listening to mandarin songs right now is making me feel like changing my Zouk night to KTV pub night. With dice, cards, Martell, and a choice to croon your heart out. All Fel's fault.

No, J. Her going on leave doesn't make you my boss. Get a hold of yourself.

My company just went through retrenchment yesterday. *sigh. Pay-cut's next.

2008-12-02T16:28:00.006+11:00

I've the cutest little teddy that sits on the top left hand corner of my monitor at work and he goes missing every off and on, credits to a certain someone who has an annoying propensity to abduct/impersonate him. Just last week, he went missing again and that CS (certain someone) refused to admit she had anything to do with his unexpected disappearance. Oh, and why I say CS sometimes impersonates teddy/Theodore?

Wah lao. It was so obviously her handwriting can... Still wanna mock me, what "Bear with my absence...". So, anyway, for a whole Friday, a cloud of gloom hung over the top left corner of my monitor which still had the 3 scotch tapes (used to keep him in place) that marked Theodore's disappearance. I didn't want to go over to CS's table to rummage through her desk cos I would've looked insane, so I bugged the life outta her over MSN but she still denied she had any involvement/refused to tell.

So on Monday, after 2 clues and a stroll around my office, I found this in the plants lining the window:

Incarcerated in a paper cage. -_- Not like kidnapping him wasn't bad enough. She had to put my innocent bear behind bars.

NICNIC, I hope you feel bad about this. Theodore was just telling me how lost he felt the whole weekend. Pffffft.

Ok, time for meeting.

2008-11-29T15:34:00.005+11:00

Well, this's a surprise. I was up before it turned PM on a Saturday. And to add, I only got home around 4-ishAM. Crashed at like 5-ish. This's like a mini achievement for me.

But the only reason I got up so early was cos I planned to go for the Benefit Cosmetics sale at 11-ishAM then head to Sitex to get my Mac. Well, as you can tell, Benefit didn't happen. My laziness got the better of me. Alarm rang at 10.30 and I was too damn tired/lazy to peel my ass off my bed. So I kept going on snooze on my alarm until it got me pretty fed up that I just couldn't sleep anymore. So tah-dah! Result: me already up at this time on a Saturday, and about to be $$26 poorer cos I enquired on a top from one of them online shopping journals. Pfft.

So for the past week, aside from working, I've been trying to make sure everything for Australia's in place. I found a housemate. Found a house. But the rent didn't sit too well with my parents, so I'm back into looking for places. I'm hearing so many things from too many different people about the rent for the place my housemate found. Some think it's pretty steep, some says it's a goddamn good catch. *sighs. Headache headache. I seriously need to quit soon and try and get everything settled and take a break before going over. But I actually think that studying right now would be equivalent to taking a break, considering I've been working how I've been working for the past year.

On a lighter note, finally headed down to Zouk yesterday night after a long(in my terms, of cos) hiatus. Barely had a couple of potato wedges and a slice of pandan cake the whole day, so I got pretty queazy after a few wines. And my dear dear friend got so smashed. Lol. Lets see if she'll admit her doings on her own. Hahaha. But very cute la. And I mean it in a very.. endearing way. :) Love you, babe! Remember, you owe me my ZoukOut ticket!

So Sitex! Here I come! Please don't let it be too crowded.

2008-11-24T19:02:00.002+11:00

DEPRESSING. So fat, so fat, so fat! DEPRESSING. Need need need to exercise! :(

Yay! Cleared mahjong table outta my room. Now time to clear everything I shifted from the mahjong table to my desk and 2 different paper bags. :(

Cut hair. Perm hair. Rebond hair. Need to do something with my boring old annoyingly long hair!

Wah lao, got asked to stay until end of Dec. %#*($^@$

Have. To. Book. Flight. To. Bangkok. Soon! Egg-sai-teeed! :)

I want Mortons, Bay. Now? Please? Release stress, I must.

Ok, back to work.

2008-11-14T15:20:00.002+11:00

I'm still figuring out whether you're a good change for me. Or not.

2008-11-13T02:47:00.008+11:00

I just had one of the most satisfying showers with my new purchase from Watsons earlier today, a Ginvera Green Tea body scrub. I'm aware Ginvera's a tad fuddy-duddy, but I swear it's pretty damn good. It's not as coarse as some body scrubs I've tried before. In fact, I reckon it gives a gentler scrub than Bodyshop scrubs do. I realised I used "scrub" 3 times in the last 2 sentences. Saying it 3 times consecutively actually makes you feel like you're in a shower, or feel like showering. Try it. Scrub scrub scrub.

So I deliberated here and there through out the day, what I should blog about tonight. If I should even blog at all.

As Bay rightfully puts, I'm an emo child. That I mull over everything and anything that upsets me, and could potentially upset me. But it seems as of late, my brooding habits have been lifted and those dreary thoughts seem to only come and go, scraping the surface. Which is, honestly, a complete dissonance between my head and my heart. And it does no good in feeding my innate emo beamo.

...

I actually typed paragraphs worth of thought, only just to highlight everything and delete them altogether. Figured they should be locked away instead.

One last note before I beckon to bed.

Do you wonder how it feels when someone fails to acknowledge you..? And as you fight this battle in your head whether it's something you should mind, you can't help but wonder if you'd rather it be the way it is.

Good night.

2008-11-07T03:02:00.004+11:00

I bore myself. I hate working pass 12am 'cause I gotta flag a cab and incur midnight surcharge. I feel a tumor growing in my brain from all the radiation I absorb sitting in front of the computer for insanely long hours. I think some well-concealed cyst is developing in my eyes thanks to extended hours of wearing my contact lenses on a daily regime.

People at work that turn my frown upside-down.

:) As I was slogging through my many many emails, I was pleasantly surprised with the above! <3

Well, lets see. Smth besides work, like finally huh. My poor little Nika was recently diagnosed with a heart problem, and he's now on medication for life. Yes. For life.

It all started off with short breaths and coughing. Then he started to get tired easily. So we brought him to the vet last Sunday morning and there we heard the news, the canine love of our lives was suffering from a heart problem. I guess he's getting pretty old, though you can't really tell from his tiny handsome face. But it's hard to cheat time. So yes, on a myriad of syrups and pills for life. *sigh.

Anyway, list of people I must see soon if not I'm gonna die of lovesickness:
BAY AH BAY
CharisEileenPipi
Alicia
ImmsJols
Jas&Fel

Abt a month till I tender, and from there, 2 and a half weeks until my last day. Right now, the idea of my "last day" sounds too good. Fatigue truly enervates.

2008-10-31T21:30:00.004+11:00

Client: Aye Val, can make the T&Cs small small or not..?

Me: Cannot la. Can only go as small as 9pt Arial. Your guidelines mah.. T&Cs have to be 9pt Arial.

Client: Ok... ... But try to make small small ok?

So we both burst out into hysterics over the phone. I was trying to talk while laughing so hard that my face started to turn red.

Me: But *laughs* 9pt Arial only got 1 size. *laughs* There's no small 9pt Arial *laughs* or big 9pt Arial. *laughs* 9pt Arial is 9pt Arial!

Hahaha! That's a challenge for the Art Director right there!

Sigh. I sound like a boring old fart who's all about work and no play. No, k. I'm quite fun. :(

Time to fly to Australia and rekindle with my youth.

And study too, of cos. :)

2008-10-30T01:04:00.005+11:00

I'm a serial noisy typer. Hopeless at keeping quiet when I'm at my desk. My keyboards talk louder than I do. Note to self: Omg, I worked for 13 hours yesterday, and today I've worked for 12 and counting. But one of the Copywriters I work with did the funniest thing ever.

There's this Art Director who sits behind her see, who is as guilty as charged especially when he hits the "enter" button. So before he came in for the day, she plucked both the "enter" keys from his keyboard and replaced them with post-its that said...

Hahaha. I burst out laughing at my computer screen. Loud and sudden enough for my Art Director sitting beside me to jolt in his seat upon my out-burst. My Copywriter is how humorous! :D

Ok, time now, 11.17pm. I've been working for 13 hours and 24 mins. Time to go home.

Random note: There's this ugly rash manifesting on my neck. :( I need someone to come home and apply cream for me. :( Yes, I like being a baby sometimes.

2008-10-23T11:45:00.002+11:00

Sigh. Lets see. Day before yesterday, I left the office nearing 10pm. I was up pretty early yesterday morning for a completely redundant press check for a job that went wrong. My working hours started from 9am, and it ended at 3am today. It's 8.40am right now. 5 hours and 40 mins from the time I was last in the office. I'm typing this entry at my office desk.

I feel like my body's gonna give way to fatigue very soon, so I'm stocking up on caffeine and sugar as much as I can right now in order to pull through another approximately 12 hours of work.

Been thinking about quite a handful of things lately. My application to Uni. Getting my life in order so that I can leave Singapore with the skill to drive a car, a less squalid room, my wardrobe packed into boxes, amongst many others.

Ok, time for pitch.

2008-10-08T17:07:00.002+11:00

You know that profound feeling of frustration you experience everytime you try to yawn when you have the urge to yawn but just can't get that full-fledged yawn? Ya. Abhor that feeling totally.

So many things have happened the last couple of weeks. As many dark times as there were highlights. But in a feat to avoid the gloom, my highlights of the weeks not in any manner of order:

1. Sessions at J Bar at The M Hotel
2. Grandstands and Kangeroo TV at F1
3. Lunch at Iggy's
4. The Flea at S.A.M
5. Photoshoot with Russel Wong and Tino (amazingly yes, it was during working hours, but it was fun)
6. Be a "mut"(no offence) night

I remember there being more than just 6 but with so many things to remember at work, everything else that you'd actually like to keep in memory all becomes a little fuzzy around the edges.

So the norm these days is that I find myself either at a cafe or a bar or some really nice wine place. But I think all the drinking and snacking inbetween heavy meals are causing me to put on weight. Pfft. Me no like. So much for my swim once a week plan. Gotta seriously work on that determination.

Yes, ok. I'm at work right now, and I'm blogging only because I think I deserve a treat after being so productive the past 2 days and working till the AMs again for the past 2 weeks. But anyway, time to join everyone else in slogging over the keyboard. Pfft. I hope this experience does me a lot of good in near future.

Snaps from the flea at S.A.M to end off.

2008-09-16T15:26:00.002+10:00

Can the situation get any more bleak? I think a sight to behold would be one of the Suntec pavilion flooded with men and women in office suits, smoking their guts out, wondering if it's time to pack their career in boxes, and where they should be going from here.

Not meaning to come across too dark, but I wonder if suicide cases have been on the high side these 2 days. Sigh. Everything's gonna start to collapse from here.

2008-09-07T23:57:00.002+10:00

If only I could stop understanding, stop knowing, stop wondering why. Let me be empty, feel weightless. And hopefully find some peace and contentment.

2008-08-30T02:43:00.003+10:00

Parents are incredibly contradicting. They confuse you to the bone.

Back when you were in secondary school when you were at the peak of rebellion; had horrific(come to think of it, not even that terrible) grades, skipped classes, went for detention, etc. They were constantly infuriated by your incompetence and defiance. They told you you were gonna end up a road sweeper.

Now, when you've completed tertiary(well, almost) and you're out there working hard for your own keep. The whole goddamn week, everyday, till the AMs, because you wanna be the Head of your own department before you hit 30. Show your parents you're not gonna b that road sweeper they scorned. They are still infuriated. Because you stay out late(even though to work). Because you don't let them reprimand you(while you're so maxed out in the office, mind you). Because they Just Don't Like it.

You honestly just wanna choke them.

This bottled anger will not do.

2008-08-26T03:36:00.003+10:00

This's so funny. I got pulled in by the other servicing team in my company to be a calefare in their Sony shoot. My Head of Art said that I have a nice "over-all shape" so I'm just right for the part of the blurred out passerby. Thanks ah. Being blurred out would make anyone a nice over-all shape.

When the Sony ads come out, please look out for the blurry figure in the background. Ad's gonna b circulated regionally yo. Don't play play. I'm gonna be appearing in Japan man. As a mess of colour in the background.

Stupid balls. :( I hope they pay me.

2008-08-22T01:00:00.001+10:00

I'll kiss you on the brain in the shadow of the train.
I'll kiss you all starry eyed my body swinging from side to side.
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you.

Here is the church and here is the steeple.
We sure are cute for two ugly people.
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you.

You are always trying to keep it real.
I'm in love with how you feel.
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you.

---

I think people find a certain sense of solace in being emo.

Because in your day to day business, you're out there trying to solve everyone's problems. Noone pays attention to your needs. They pile you with their load, but there's noone you can stack yours on. Noone permissive enough to stay buried in your self-indulgence with you.

So being emo does have its good qualities. It's solace in the fact that you still have, well, you. Whenever you need to sink yourself into an abyss of distress and unhappy things, you have you to depend on.

I'm not emo, I'm just stripping things down to its ugly truth.

That's why, marry the person who has always been indulging in you, with you, or even without you. A person you'd do the same for.

Mayb it's time I stop wearing myself down for others. It's not palatable.

---

Dinner with Leen a couple of days back was quite enjoyable. We had a mini QnA session over Carls Jr. . That woman, she never fails to crack me up, and treat me like a maid too.

Q: How would you feel if you were stuck in a dense tropical forest?
A: Dirty.

Upon her answer, I wore a blank stare for approximately 1.5 secs and subsequently burst into prolonged fits of laughter.

Leen: *tai tai ordering-maid-around tone* Refill the drink with your concoction.
Me: *takes final sips and starts to fiddle with the straws contemplating if we(oh wait, correction) I should get a change*
Leen: *tai tai ordering-maid-around tone, accompanied with crossed legs and very careless waves of the hand* And take the straws out and get new ones.

---

I can't wait for Tioman. I can't believe that hoping out loud, for a holiday by the beach, actually worked. Retreating to sun sand sea beer and cigarettes is the only thing I can think about right now.

Alrighty, time to leave the office.

2008-08-15T04:13:00.002+10:00

My mother left on Wednesday morning for Japan. A holiday she started packing for 2 weeks prior to her departure. A holiday she made full sure she let me know a month early that she needed the camera. She was a very excited mother.

With her leave, she left me the title of Surrogate Home-maker. And this is the note I emailed my 2 (and only 2, Thank God) favourite men in the house:

Hi Boys,

I will be doing the laundry on Saturday, which is tomorrow, so please try not to change your clothes too many times today. Oh, and please don't put your pants in the laundry. I'm not very good at washing pants and I don't do things I'm not good at so since mum's really good at it, lets leave that for when she's back. Also, if your shirts shrink/expand/lose colour/change colour/has a missing button, I suggest that you buy shirts from a better brand 'cause if the above listed happens, the shop you bought your shirt from was probably not value for money. Even if that piece cost you $XXX. After washing, I will hang all our clothes out to dry. I need whoever will be home on Saturday night to check if they're dry enough and leave them on the couch for the ironing lady who comes on Sunday.

I will also be mopping the floors and washing the toilets on Saturday, so use the toilet as much as you can now. After Saturday, use it as little as possible. Also, Dad, I suggest you switch on the lights whenever you brush your teeth. You got toothpaste all over the sink, underneath it (how in the world did you do that), on the tap, and foam on the floor. Before I could brush my teeth earlier, I had to scrape off your already dried toothpaste off the tap and sink. And VT, when you go for a piss in the middle of the night, please don't aim horizontally straight. The toilet bowl's about 45degrees or less away.

Oh, and please try to clear your own bins when it's full. I'm not very good at clearing bins either.

1 last thing. Who has been feeding Nika? Please say someone has if not our poor dog would have been starving the past day or so. Oh, and I'm giving him a bath either on Sunday or Monday so don't worry about it. I know the both of you are just so concerned about our little darling canine.

And Daddy, lets have dinner tonight. I'll be done at about 8pm. Call me.

Alright, that's all. If I missed out anything, don't let me know. Get it done.

Love,
Val

I think I make an ok Surrogate Home-maker. :) Time for bed.

2008-07-30T02:59:00.005+10:00

So the weekend whisked by without warning. Again. As it always does. I can't believe I've already been working for close to half a year. It's like I slept for a night, woke up, and found that I'm 6 months(and a lot of beers) older.

I like blogging about my weekends because it makes me feel like I've actually had them.

So Friday was pretty nice. Charis bought dinner and we headed to Zouk to catch up with some friends after. Wasn't home past 3.

Saturday, I had to muster a lot of determination, peel the sheets off, and head out of home no later than 8.30am. I was cussing my way to the toilet. On a Saturday man. It's a sin to wake up in the AMs on Saturdays.

So, I found myself sitting in the waiting-to-collect-passport area in ICA, with no mp3(cos I forgot), no book, and only the big black screen with little red lights that tell you which counter's ready to serve whatever queue number to entertain myself with. So when the numbers hit 6700, I thought to myself, why not walk out and take a smoke. After all, it's another 70 people until it's your turn.

Bad move. I missed my turn.

But anyway, Charis was such a sweetheart to have agreed(I forced her to actually) to meet me so early on a Saturday. So we shopped till we nearly dropped.

I bought a really gorgeous dress that day that I know I'm never gonna wear. But what the hell, it's gorgeous. After all, it's not like I have enough new pieces in my closet which I haven't wore. Just a couple of dresses and tops here and there. Pfft.

Alright, I've tonnes more to say. But I'll leave it to another entry. Or mayb when I come back from KL. The bed beckons.

2008-07-22T03:30:00.003+10:00

Over the last weekend, I did a variation of fairly interesting things I wouldn't normally do. I also met a few individuals that quite stood out.

Like a boy who has a room, inside a room. That was on fire, like literally, barely a week ago. And another boy who's 2 years my junior but earns/is given, a month, 3 times more than I'm earning. I guess that's the perk of being born with a 24k gold spoon in your mouth.

Back to my weekend activities. It was quite a refreshing experience hanging with a bunch of people I don't know very well(and still don't) and are not entirely comfortable(not in a bad way, more in a not-my-bosom-pal manner) with. Though, not something I'd vote to do in a heartbeat but I suppose certain... temptations entailed being in a room half full of people you've never interacted with before was quite a pull-factor. As Oscar Wilde recited, "I can resist everything except temptation".

Oh, and might I add that The Dark Knight is absofuckinglutely awesome. It kept me at the edge of my seat from start to end. The script was well done. It lived up to the term "action packed". And The Joker. Oh My Godilicious. The Joker was, beyond words. Heath Ledger, Joker was truly your best work. He should win 11 Oscars, just like LOTR did, just for his phenomenal acting in The Dark Knight as Joker.

Anyway, back to Weekend Action 1.01.

Finally finally finally got to ride on Shah's super fly Vespa. His Vespa has got to be the cutest yet sleekiest bike around! Perfect balance of vintage and contemporary. My computer's running rather low on disk space, so I'm trying to avoid uploading pictures from my camera, but when I do, you'll see exactly what I mean. If I drove a bike, I'd drive his.

On Sunday, I accompanied my mum to town only so she could use me as her human credit card. Bought her $200 worth of cosmetics can. Can you please kill me. (talks to self) It's ok, it's ok. It's for mummy, it's ok.

Ok, I can't continue typing anymore. I feel so, drained. I wanna stay home more. Spend less. Eat more homecooked goodness. Or at least have my meals tapowed back to me. =D Lets turn on the spoilt child switch.

2008-07-15T03:55:00.002+10:00

I know Bay will scold me if she sees this entry. Cos I'm suppose to have crashed by now so that I can wake up in time to drop by her place to pick up my portfolio bag, which I forgot and left at her place earlier tonight, and get me and my chubby ass to HB centre in time for my meeting at 10am. I know 10am doesn't seem early, but for someone who usually wakes up at 9 for work, leaving the house at 9 is quite a challenge k!

Pfft. I can't believe I forgot my portfolio bag along with all the documents for my meeting tmr. PFFT. No Thanks to goldfish memory.

Oh, and I want to complain k. Traffic this morning from the tail of Braddell, thru Lornie, all the way to Farrer was every bit horrific. I was stuck in that stupid congestion for at least a good half hour. Whoever or whichever organisation, the one that calls the shots to when a certain road should undergooes roadworks (LTA?), should be shot dead with a Metal Storm.

Ok ok ok. Crash crash crash.

2008-07-13T23:40:00.002+10:00

I feel so, stoned. Foul foul foul mood right now.

Bay stole my one and only coaster, so I'm using a piece of paper for my cup.

And she's taking so long in the toilet.

I wanna watch Gone Baby Gone now.

PMS x 51235498456169849546321063

She's out.

2008-07-09T21:02:00.002+10:00

Even when work piles sky high, I usually feel less pressured when it hits 6pm. Cos when it hits sweet 6 o 'clock, I have a beer and I take my time with work. But some how, today, I still feel like I've documents all over the table. I can't see the colour of my desk.

Worst part is, I've been dying to check through my floorplan brochure since 1pm and get it done with before knock-off time, but I haven't had the chance. And now it's already 7pm. And I was suppose to hit Zouk for mambo dance off later tonight, but work's killing the mood. And I just wanna meet Bay and have a long chat over beers and some smokes.

And I have a cost estimate to do, and I'm a mountain of mess when it comes to numbers. And I've a website to check through, that have already gone through 5126385 revisions today and I've already looked through 5126385 times. Today.

And I'm more like baby-sitting my client. Not servicing them. I'm feeding a 30 year old baby it's Nestle baby oats. And I just wanna stop working right now and go home and sleep.

Stop thinking, stop ranting. Work work work.

2008-07-09T02:39:00.003+10:00

I guess you learn a lot of things in life.

You learn that, sometimes, people are indeed hard to figure. And that there're plenty of those who'd squeeze as much as they can get outta you. Not only in terms of information, but almost everything else.

And that there're also those you thought knew better (you, him, her, them, everything), but really don't. And it's quite disappointing. But why have expectations to begin with.

The more I know, the less I understand.

2008-07-01T21:54:00.007+10:00

Apparently, an ex was spotted at the Reflecting Corner at Borders yesterday afternoon, holding a clipboard with a list of things he likes and not like about himself and parts of his character he feels he should change. *gulps

I didn't force him to put serious work into changing, the situation and experience compelled him to. But I guess it's a good thing. Mayb he'd really turn over a new leaf. B a better person. We need more of those out there. The "spottee"(person who did the spotting) did suggest that I consider the chance of another chance. But, I think I'll pass. It's sad, but I don't know if walking back to see if I can light a match in the darkness again is the best choice for me.

My weekend was way too amusing to let it pass without talking about it! Last Friday, this totally caught my attention!

I was with my colleague and we were so intrigued we just had to get a tester spoon! We're both fans of Red Bull see. So seeing that was like discovering a consummation to the family of Red Bull products. Available at the Gelato place just outside Lido. :)

On Saturday, went to the airport to send the Melb children off.

Seeing all the sad couples, strangers included, really tugs at your heart strings. I'm lucky I'm not gonna b one of them. Even if I do cry it'll b because I can't wake up to Bay jabbing my nose, nor play mahjong and have supper in the AMs with Charis Pipi Eileen, or come back home to my lovely Nika, or have a quiet night by the river with Jols and Imms. :( But only for a few months which isn't very long... Ok, no. Still quite sad. :(

Anyway, Saturday night was party time! Infected Mushroom @ Zouk. Though, I didn't step into Zouk at all. Haha. Night started out with a house party at Angelo's(American intern) friend's place. This really nice huumuggamous, but totally homely, place at Bin Tong Park. And he apparently has dinodogs(like really big dogs), which I never got to see. Thank God. I wouldn't know what to do if a dog with a size that was described to me came charging towards me.

So Saturday night was actually really fun. Going to Zouk or whichever club's more like going to a movie now. Just a weekly affair that's not exactly very exciting. But bumped into quite a few familiar faces and finally got to catch up with a few friends I haven't seen or spoken to in months. Didn't manage many pictures, but I did take 1 with Angelo and Kyle(Angelo's good friend). It was Kyle's last night in SG, and he was gonna return to the states on Sunday morning. Might be the last time I'm ever seeing him! But it was great making a new friend.

Angelo on the right, Kyle on left. And I'm a very happy girl sandwiched between 2 (what Angelo calls) angg mohs(says with American accent)! :)

But I think the highlight of the night must b taking the cabby home. The back left tire of the taxi punctured along the highway! So Pipi and I were stuck along the skirts of the CTE. Couldn't hail another cab cos none would stop. At 5 in the morning, still a bit tipsy(maybe that's just me). Propped atop the steel/aluminium barricade, waiting for the uncle to change his tire.

What a ride! Well, at least our ride home was free. But I felt really bad, so decided to give the uncle $10 as a token.

Ok, been having the runs and I haven't stepped into the office for 2 days. I bet work has snowballed into stacks and stacks of folders that are now sitting on my desk waiting for me to go back and clear. Pffft. I'm going to work at 5.30am tomorrow so that I don't have to spend my Wednesday night and part of Thursday morning working. :(

2008-06-02T21:30:00.002+10:00

I'm a happy child. I just got confirmed + an addition to my portfolio + a few other benefits and more! :) I wish I was already done with my degree. Sigh. Wanna keep this job for as long as I like.

2008-05-26T21:20:00.004+10:00

I'm charmed, addicted, and in love with David Cook's rendition of Always Be My Baby.

Wah, he so handsome can. I want my future boyfriend to look like that too. Boyish, with a bit of manliness (the facial hair). His hair-do so cute!!! :)

2008-05-23T04:15:00.007+10:00

My mother once corrected me when I claimed that love only made up 10% of a relationship, and the remaining 90% of hard-work and pure sweat.

She said. It's 90% love, then 10% hard-work. You gotta love your spouse more than the amount of toil you put through. Only with love, will you be inspired to keep going.

Then I argued. It's impossible for there to be more love than drudgery, a relationship is just too much of it!

She returned. Then can you imagine how much love inspires that?

I paused. Considered. Then continued. Then do you love Dad that much? Thinking that, ah ha! I caught her there.

Her response without a heartbeat of hesitation. Ya! Kena bastard.

We had this conversation probably close to a year ago, and it was like any TV commercial conversation we always have. But it stuck. And even though we had it in the most matter-of-fact manner, everything about it was so moving that no matter what fashion you say it, its essence is there and I think it'll stir emotions in almost any common person.

2008-05-11T19:15:00.003+10:00

I give up trying to take a nap. The Malay Wedding going on at the void deck of the next block wins. Pfft.

Thank you, Bay. :) For that lovely surprise last week! Truth be told, I actually already saw you in my room 2 mins before I "really came in" and exclaimed "What The Hell are you doing here?!". Cos the first time I walked into my room, I was only clad in naught but my underwear. Hahaha! So I dashed back to my parents' to pull on a top before walking back into my room to greet you officially. Nevertheless, I was just as surprised k!! :) Love.

Here's the gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous bouquet of flowers Bay got me. The darling went to request for my favourite 3 quarter bloomed roses which the flourist found really strange. Apparently, most people prefer their roses small and still closed up in a little coloured bud. *shrugs. What's so breathtakingly beautiful about a puny bud of petals. So much more gorgeous in full bloom! Or almost, like mine. :)

Pardon me, all the pictures were taken with my phone camera so the colours aren't exactly the most vibrant and the images aren't what you'd call crystal clear. But they're still bloody gorgeous, aren't they!? According to Bay, these were as close to scarlet as she could get, so I'm happy. :)

At night, she led me to some American BBQ and Grill tucked deep inside rows and rows of private houses somewhere in Sembawang. The food was awesome! And they came in extreeeeeeemely big portions. We fared until we couldn't walk la please. Didn't manage to take any clear photos. Ask Bay and her camera la. But here's smth that I have to share.

Those are mushrooms k. No kidding. They were God damn huge man. And that, erm, stick we later found out was actually a whole green chilli. I don't know about you, but the way this dish was presented (as per this picture you see above) looks kinda penile. Ack. But they were damn scrumptious. I'm salivating just thinking about it! Now now, don't think dirty.

Thank you, Bay bay. Though that unfortunately thing had to happen later that night, I still really enjoyed myself and I hope you did too. I love you plenty and I hope that our friendship will always be the same. This year, the next, and decades more to come. *hugs

Ok, very exciting! Another shoot at celebrity photographer Russel Wong's place tmr. My inner KAPO AUNTIE will be so happy! See, Friday, when we had part 1 of the SMU shoot, he was feeding me with some fat juicy inside news about the Edison Chen scandal! :) I mean, I'm not usually interested in things like that, I don't go out of my way to get the latest low-down. In fact, I don't even read celebrity gossip blogs. But I have to say, what Russel has to say is hard not to want to hear. Haha! I guess it's because you know what he says, very very very few know and they're probably all true seeing how he's friends with all those celebrities he talks about.

Oh yes! People from the wedding's stop singing! I'm gonna try taking a nap again.

2008-05-04T16:45:00.002+10:00

I cannot ask for better friends. The ones I already have are the greatest anyone can ever ask for. My 20th should've might as well been my 21st.

Here's a surprise that I completely did not expect. I know, like DUH right. It's a surprise, I'm not suppose to expect it. But I'm usually quite sharp on things like that and would catch certain hints here and there but this one, I did not catch on the slightest bit.

As you see, surprised until like that.

Pardon the expression. I was initially grinning from head to toe until Imms said "You gotta start writing your age with a 2!"

May I present the 2 darling misfits responsible for my cheeks aching from smiling too much.

And the one responsible for 2 shots of tequila, 2 exotically named shots, and a delicious chocolate cake that was sent with lots of love.

As you can see, the chips were of abandance.

The balloon was that huge!

Love this picture.

See, I'm not lying, the balloon's HUGE.

Thank you, dears. :)

On the weekend before my birthday, Charis Freesia Eileen also gave me a very nice surprise accompanied with Soup Restaurant and a little bit of shopping. Thank youu, girls! You guys are like my longest friends and I'm glad that we're still such a tight bunch after so long.

On the 28th, traditionally, spent the night with a couple of people from poly to celebrate Dan's 21st and usher into my 20th. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAN! You might read this, you might not. But I think it's only ceremonial that, since it's your 21st, I should leave you a long note to congratulate you on becoming an adult. I already have a card for you, but what the heck, you can do with 1 more.

TO DAN: After spending night after night, weeks on end (aye, kinky aye. haha.), working on one radio capsule after another, I have learnt that I can share my problems, my joys, my sadness with you. I'm really glad we've become such good friends and I hope that in time, our friendship will only grow and not disappear. You're finally 21 now! An adult who will have to start to shoulder responsibility along with a lot of other adult-related stuff, and I know that your first taste of adulthood's gonna get you frustrated (cos you're like that la.), but I believe that you'll know what to do cos in the end, you always do. :) But you ah, please ah, don't be full of yourself at inappropriate times! Discern hor. Alright, I shall leave my card to speak for everything else. Love you plenty, Dan. I hope you had a wonderful 21st. :)

Night of my 20th, had dinner with my family then popped over to substation for some drinks. And I think colleagues must be the worst bunch of people to have drinks with on your birthday. For the first and last time, I had a flaming waterfall all by my lonesome. 1 of my colleagues even had it all on video. Lucky thing it was way to dark and the camera didn't capture me cringing at every mouthful and almost coughing out the whole concoction at the end of it.

Well, those were the festivities. Tonight's another 1. Lets see what Bay has in-stored for me. Hahaha. Ok la, don't pressure her.

2008-04-02T21:21:00.002+11:00

I havent written a proper blog entry in ages. Proper by the standards of the majority of posts published by the regular blogger which talks about their regular, or not so regular, day-to-day do's and didnt-do's. Their thoughts and apparent "strong feelings" for a particular "world issue". Yada yada blah blah. I miss talking about my day, and what I did or didn't do. I miss talking about the little things that really stood out. Be it the manner in which a flower fell from a tree, or the beautiful wave pattern formed by little light bulbs in the headlamp of that Audi car model in the Singapore Fashion Fest tentage outside Ngee Ann City.

My weekends, after work has started, commonly comprises of MJ sessions (yes, I finally got down to learning the game), shopping escapades (haven't bought anything in a while because there's just really nothing to buy), movies, catching up on sleep, so on and so forth.

The weekend in particular, was quite interesting. Interesting in a I-don't-do-this-all-the-time way.

Friday saw me and my colleagues at Sentosa, in the struggle to be "team number 1". Sounds familiar? Well, that's cos we were playing amazing racing. Or should I say "ace-mazing" race. I know, I can imagine u rolling your eyes at that. But yes, it was my company's off-site day and that was what my boss had in-stored for us. Very well planned actually. My boss clearly put a considerable amount of effort into it and I think it was great that everyone was really enthusiastic. We ended our day at km8 with tai di, taboo, dinner, and some cooling down at the pool. Only a bunch of us stayed till 10. Most left after dinner.

All I remember doing on Saturday was sleep. I woke up at 2pm, went out to get lunch, slept again at 3.30pm all the way till 7.30pm, then headed out for dinner. Spent sometime at home after, then headed out for a beer at the park with Bay. We talked for hours by the Spider Web formation. And I learnt that night that it was a very bad choice lying on the ground. I ended up with multiple insect/mozzy bites on my legs and my legs now look mutated. Eck.

Sunday, I received an invitation to the Singapore Fashion Festival. It was quite an eye-opener seeing how I've never been to a high-end fashion show, top models designer clothing all in the fix.

Just yesterday I learnt that I'm suffering from mild hypertension. I went to see a doctor just for an MC as an excuse to give work a miss. Really, u can't imagine the amount of drama I had to handle the night before. So I walked into the consultation room bearing in mind to play the part of a sick little child, but it turned out that I didn't actually need to pretend. My muscles were apparently a little tense and the doctor issued me relaxant pills. And there I thought I was only feeling a little jittery due to my unrested emotions. PFFFFFT. But the relaxant pills totally rock. They really knock you out. Its drowsy effects beats the likes of flu meds any day of the week.

But that was ytd and today I'm back at work. In fact, I'm currently inditing my entry at my desk. It's already 7.15pm. I wanna go meet Bay. But I've gotta check through the contents of a website word for word, image for image. Lucky thing it's site for a modeling agency so it's not too dreary to skim through. Let thee be amazed by the vital stats of the beautiful.

2008-03-25T21:44:00.003+11:00

I am grey, still on the page
Just an outline, sketchy but fine

If green is chasing the hills over miles
If blue is pursuing the sky
If the red of your heart doesn't mind
Where to begin to colour me in

Something new and nothing to do
I'm just the idea
I must be real cause somehow I feel
That I'm just the idea

Let's share the blue of the towering sky
The green of the hills that run by
Leave the red of your heart to decide
If you cannot choose which colour to use

I'll always wait, it's never too late
Today or next year
I'll always be near
if you want to colour me in

2008-03-23T18:56:00.002+11:00

Your musk, it lingers. Its smell, it's fond. And every swift that goes through my nose hits the bottom of my heart. This spot, I can't seem to be able to describe. The feeling, of pain or of hurt or of happiness or of love. Will our worth transcend all the evils that has already happened? Do we really want to know the answer to that question?

2008-03-12T01:58:00.003+11:00

You know I'm happy everytime I see you? Did you know that? Even when I'm worried, when I see you, I'm happy. - C, 11 March 2008, in the wee hours of the morning

I'm jotting it down so I won't forget. Cause I don't want to. But it's all turning vague.

I cannot function on 4 meagre hours of sleep, but there's too much to watch on sidereel.com. Must. Stay. Awake.

There's much to do this week, next, and the following. After work meet ups are the only thing that perk my chase-client-chase-creative days up. Tmr - J, Thursday - a different J, Friday - G, Saturday - Uni fair, and hopefully by Sunday certain matters of the heart will have been forgotten and we will see our course of action from there.

Ok, mayb another episode of Family Guy before I crash. Yes?

Rainy Sunday Afternoon - Courtesy of Jay'Ols :)

2008-03-04T03:11:00.002+11:00

Hi, God. Are you really up there? Looking down? Do you send signals? That guides us and teaches us things we ought to know? Why do you give us emotions? Are trying to test our resilience? Or do you only want us to know what it's like to experience utter happiness? Will you truly show me the way if I got lost? Or will you give me an opportunity to find my own way out?

God. Hello.

I think the fatigue's screwing me up a tad. I cannot continue leading my life like that. These are my days. Up at 8.30am. Work till 7pm(thereabouts). Go out till midnight or sometimes later. Rest for an hour or 2. Sleep. And the cycle repeats.

Oh yes, finally done with school. Working now. Nope, I didn't give myself a break. Not that I don't feel that I don't deserve a full-on holiday just bumming around accumulating fat, but I thought why not put my time to good use and start gaining experience working in the industry. Of cos earning my own hard cold $$ at the same time. So there we have it. I got me a nifty role as an Account Executive, in a fairly homely environment, and a boss with a sense of humour.

I'm awfully tired right now. My contact lenses are fogging up in my eye. And my head feels like it's floating around in mid-air.

Oh, but wait. Can I just say this. Mr Weather Man, you were extremely unkind on Sunday. Sunday afternoon was just the worst time to start throwing rain tempers. And well, I guess I gotta give a little dis-credit to being at the wrong place too. Walking around a golf course certainly wasn't the best place to be in that kind of rain. I was soaked. In out up down. My feet were swimming in my shoes. But ok, it was something it remember.

Ok. Tired. Mayb will start posting up pictures next time. Eileen's birthday. Happy hours with the same bunch. Phuket tripppp!

2008-02-20T03:41:00.004+11:00

I'm 13 mins into the movie "Fracture" and so far, it's been a really good 13 mins. The whole setting's pretty dark. The mood, the technique, the lighting. I especially like it when Anthony Hopkins was washing his arms and face and you could see mist caused by the difference in the temperature of the water to it's surrounding atmosphere, and the specks of floating water molecules outlining his frame. The lights and angle and camera movements/techniques has so far set a very dark and sinister mood to the entire show and what's to come. Oh and there was this amazing scenery as Anthony Hopkins drove off into the sunset in his really suave car and a jet was booming at speed in the orange sky along with him. Hmm, ok, lets see...

-

And now it's 1 hour and 48 mins into the show. The credits just started rolling. As the movie went on, it really felt like Anthony Hopkins's character was gonna walk away from a crime he committed acquitted of all charges due to insufficient, or rather, the lack of proper substantial evidence. The whole plot was sort of predictable actually. It was kinda like u knew it'd either go this way or that, just which exactly u're not too sure. It was either Anthony Hopkins's character would be free to go and Ryan Gosling's character'd b left in the dumps and the show would end with the bad guy holding the gold medal, or Gosling's character'd find something substantial enough to bring Hopkins's character back to court for trial and eventually win because he couldn't go wrong with the evidence he found.

Man, I should've watched this before sitting for my Media Law paper. But who am I kidding, it's not like it was gonna make the paper any easier. No heart to study and sit for exam, means no heart to study and sit for exams. No matter how many courtroom dramas I watch, it's still gonna be the same. But I must say, after a semester of Media Law, I'm less lost now when I watch law crime movies with lawyers renting off in court in their lawyer's jargon. At least now I understand the terms they use a little more than before.

But nevertheless, I thought Fracture was a really good movie. Not only the plot, but also the setting and filming technique. If u actually pay attention to the kind of perspectives and angles and styles they applied to the film, it bolds the meaning of the entire storyline a lot more, and in a more-than-words-can-say kinda way.

What the hell mannnn. I'm suppose to be studying for MASSINA. Not watching a stupid movie.

Media Law was quite bad. At least for me. And I tried not to think about it, and about everything else, so having met Charis Eileen and Freesia after my paper was quite a good breather. And celebrating Eileen's 20th by bringing her on a joy stroll around Orchard Road blindfolded was also much fun! I swear, I think that idea has got to be one of the most spontaneous I've thought of so far for a way of celebrating one's birthday just amongst the 4 of us! Well, I hope the pictures doesn't take centuries to come.

Ok, it's 3am now. Lucky thing I'm not all that tired at the moment, so there's still a bit of energy left to study for MASSINA. And my heart has been racing since before I started watching Fracture which was like around slightly after midnight. The same kinda of racing I got before, and just a little under a year ago. It was quite an unpleasant feeling. But the reason to why it was racing was even more unpleasant to discover. So I'm really half hearted to whether I want to knw the reason to my cold hands and my speeding little blood-pumping machine is due to the very same heart wrenching truth I suspected that faithful day, slightly under a year ago.

Well well, pictures of Eileen's birthday up soon. Hehe! Eileen, I know u're excited! :D

And mayb my Phuket trip too. We'll see how that goes down.

2008-02-16T00:09:00.003+11:00

I'm back! Phuket was both amazing and revelational. "Amazing" in the good way amazing is suppose to be, but "revelational" in one of the most heart-wrenching manners imaginable.

Ok, so I spent Valentines in Phuket. In retrospect, I've never had a decent Valentines. When I was back in secondary, trainings always happen to fall on Vday. Like always. I think my coach wouldn't allow anybody to go galavanting around with whomever we wanted to because he wasn't getting any or something, so we were all forced to spend the day with him. PFFT.

The Valentines after my secondary days, I caught a fever. Why it's so clear is because I remember being out with this boy I had a little thing for, my first year seeing a guy after so many years of being crooked, and I started to feel feverish in the middle of Orchard Road. Under the burning sun, donned in an embarrassing girly pink white combi, frowning away at the heat. I can't remember what that boy did in attempt to rescue me from my discomfort. Must've been nothing at all since I don't recall anything besides pining for my air conditioning and my bed, and eventually getting there all by my lonesome.

My 18th year, well, truth be told, I don't seem to be able to recall anything at all about that one. Must've been at home sayanging myself to sleep, hoping the day'd pass sooner.

Last year's Cupid's day. Sigh. Don't even get me started. Possibly the worst Vday ever caused by the person I thought would always hold my heart in the most gentle yet secure little grip. People think wrong on a lot of things.

And this year's. Hmmm, this year's. It wasn't the typical way u'd imagine Valentines, but I guess the whole point's to be doing things together right? But nevermind that. Just 1 sentence to sum it all up (and perhaps the boys', and ok girls', whose hearts I've broken, or tampered with, whether a little or a lot may now rejoice), "It didn't end fantastically".

I think Valentines is jinxed, or I am. Phooey to those who celebrate with all joy and happiness and love on Valentines. Phooey to them who've always had the luck of spending the ideal Vday. Phoooeyyy. :(

Here, this year's whithering little flower.

2008-02-08T06:55:00.000+11:00

T'was a great start to CNY. Albeit mambo was a tad boring it was still nice soothing the itch. As I was explaining to Daryl, I honestly feel like I've turned into quite a dull doll. Everything's literally either school work or my part-time job. PFFFT. And my weekly 1 woman circus show has been out of action for weeks because Mr Chicken Pox man decided to bless her with the poxes! But Bay, at least it's about over! *hugs

Oh ya, as I was saying, it was a great start to the new year cos I met the nicest cab uncle today. See, Jas and I just had a session at Hacienda and were on our way out to grab a cab each. She got a cab first, but coincidentally, this cabbie was gonna make his way back home, which was at Hougang, after dropping Jas off. So he invited me into his cab and offered me a free ride back home from Jas's place! =D Oh lucky little me! Things like that hardly ever happen, in fact, most cabbies're hardly warm generous people, but I guess tonight was our night!

Ok, lets review my deadlines again. TV, Monday. Radio proposal, Monday too. Something tells me that from tonight leading up to Monday, it's gonna b QUITE hectic. Definition of "quite" = more very than "very". Esp for radio because there's soooo much to do. Shld've just taken Acting and Directing, or some other less hardcore modules.

Now I'm getting pretty excited about going to Phuket. I didn't expect C to respond to my mood swing, but since it was responded to, my pathetic 2 days trip to has been extended to a 3 days trip! Heh heh. I know it's only 1 day but considering it's such a short holiday, 1 day makes a difference ok!

Tmr will be productive. I will finish some paper work for radio and I will edit the "emergency breaking news" script for print. And I will also visit Bay and visit my father's friends. I will not allow Ang Bao harvesting to slide in the list of priorities. Hehe.

2008-02-05T05:00:00.000+11:00

Whenever my joints ache it means it's going to rain. The next time u need to know whether it'll start pouring within the next half hour, don't need to take the effort to lift your head and watch the sky, don't even need to google the weather, just ask me.

I ought to be studying for my advertising test right now but I feel completely no motivation whatsoever. I'm sleepy even though I've already had a 3 hour nap. I was generally having a great day until my father spoilt it for me slightly under 2 hours back. I feel so, sluggish. I'm forgetting that I still have a Radio Station Proposal (due Feb 11), Advertising individual assignment (due Feb 6), and TV final production assessment (due Feb 11).

I want my holiday now now now now now.

Speaking of holiday, I'm jetting off to Phuket on Feb 12! Just for 2 days. I leave Feb 12 afternoon, and return Feb 14 morning. What a stupidly short getaway.

2008-02-02T07:53:00.000+11:00

I haven't been watching all that many movies these days but the few that I've caught were all pretty darn good I must say! American Gangster was superb! Sweeney Todd, a typical Tim Burton production, but still wonderfully dark and twisted! And The Mist as well. Which was quite a surprise actually. When I first saw the trailer for the Stephen King novel adaptation, I thought that it was gonna be another one of those crappy ass monster creature lousy senseless gore things, but it wasn't! In fact, I thought the director and producers focused on the right subjects and topics, like human survival and desperate leaps of faith (in every sense) people make under the most pressured conditions. Unlike most monster movies where they practically shed every ray of the limelight on those slimy racket-causing atrocities.

SEE. Stupid blogging bug, bit me at the most unearthly hour imaginable.

I hope Sharkwater still screens next week. As well as 27 Dresses. And Gone Baby Gone.

2008-01-21T05:50:00.000+11:00

My weekend was quiet yet really busy. Quietly busy.

Since I don't have classes on Fridays, my weekends usually start from Thursday 4pm. It's not like anything particularly eventful took place this weekend, in fact, I've had weekends more happening x 10 000! It's just that this weekend, I thought a lot. Mayb a bit too much. But I thought a lot. And I realised things that I always knew, but were confirmed.

I think out of everything I've thought about and realised this weekend, the thing that doesn't sit fine with me the most is this. That I genuinely cared for someone I've no regards for. I willingly and sincerely took care of someone I honestly do not see as a friend, hardly even an acquaintance, when that person was pissed drunk and disappeared in God knows which forsaken toilet, while that person's apparent "friends" did not muster any sort of effort to try and look for the drunk one. And that drunk person, after sobering up the following day, drops a thank-you msg that contained zero sincerity, because why? I was told, that I was being fake about taking care of that pukey thing (this apparently came from the very same drunkard's mouth)! Seriously, I have way better things to do than to be watching over an almost stranger who was so gone it wasn't even funny anymore, but instead, I willingly made it my responsibility to make sure that person didn't get thrown outta the place and onto the streets, and that someone was at least with the drunkard. Granted someone shld never be taken advantage of when their drunk, but seriously, it wasn't as though anyone had any ill intentions with whatever they did or asked.

I'll take it as a lesson learnt, don't ever stick your neck out for just anyone. Even if it's outta good will. It doesn't pay.

Moving on, about my weekend. It was quiet, yea. There was a house party at Bay's on Friday, but I sat out. Was a bit too uncomfortable going to a party with so much work on my mind. But I received a detailed text informing me how completely smashed everyone got after playing some game called China Man. After Bay explained the game to me over the phone, it's actually also what I call the Circle Of Death. So ok! I missed out on drunken fun. Stayed home to sort out some work and started on a couple of individual assignments instead. Pfft.

Saturday was quiet too. Slept in. Went for a shopping jaunt with Charis.

I ended up only buying some damn addictive egg based snack from Bread Talk Bay introduced to me before. But it was good fun finally seeing Charis again after quite a while. Yay! Sunday again! =) I hope I don't call it off last min, which's actually pretty likely considering the final pitch for Advertising's that coming Tuesday.

Saturday night was crunch time for advert, all thru to Sunday afternoon. Everything's slowly falling into place! Yes! Finally, everything will b over soon. Finally, getting done with Poly life. I know I've said it 1 too many times, but yes, FINALLY.

Ok, my River of Words just wasn't flowing at all earlier when I was trying to complete my WISP reflection. It's just a reflection, I know. What a loser. But at least it's streaming quite smoothly now. So I suppose it's back to work!

2008-01-17T04:35:00.000+11:00

I'm suppose to be in Phuture right now with Cherie and her bunch to celebrate her farewell cos she's jetting back to Perth tmr (or shld I say today) so she can take care of her new puppies and attend her Bon Jovi concert.

But instead, I'm right here in the exact same spot I find myself almost every night now, seated with my legs crossed up on my creaky chair, surfing blogs that I'm honestly not very interested in reading but still do cause I choose to procrastinate instead of doing work which is what I stayed home for to begin with.

Alright, all that was very useless.

Can I say something though? I think puppies are the cutest little things on the face of this universe and all other universes, next to my chihuahua. Take this little guy here for example.

Ok, u may have seen cuter pups but this charming little ball of fur's quite the bomb! Essentially, I'm just trying to say, puppies are the most adorablest little poot poot bons!!

Sigh.. Yes yes yes. I hear my conscience in my head. Reprimanding me to do my work and that excessive procrastinating makes you feel fat. Speaking of fat, I feel like I'm drowning in my own blubber. I feel fat to the max and flabby like jelly. I need to stop eating midnight snacks like Mcdonalds and nasi lemak. In fact, I need to stop eating midnight snacks period. And I shld start working out, or at least attempt to. Mayb start lacing up my running shoes and mayb hang a running outfit in front of my mirror with a note on it that says: Start exercising or do not look into the mirror. Fainting is not an option.

2008-01-11T03:20:00.000+11:00

"... And I’ve seemed to have walked all the way from Brooklyn to your doorstep. Without a jacket. In the snow. So what the hell. I miss you. And I have been missing you, for a while." - Rufus Humphrey

-

The amount of projects due within the next month is amazing. I've a grand total of about 10, and I believe noone in my cohort has any number that falls below 8. ARGH. Oh, and smth came to my knowledge today, I'm seeing a pilot! Haha. Never knew I had such good fortunes.

I was just looking thru my pictures folder today, just to reminisce on the good times...

This was taken on my Dad's birthday. Those were the days when my brother wasn't being an ass yet. We didn't plan to make the same expression but we did and I reckon we look pretty sibling-like here!

Guess whose is whose! =D Do these beautiful feet belong to only girls? Or is there a boy in their midst?! Mayb 2! Haha. Ok. Next.

Eileen trying her very best to shun from the evil camera. Taken in my room sometime around chinese new year last year. Eileen and Freesia came over for a round of drinks. I can still remember the look on their faces when they were forcing chivas down their throats! Haha! Scrunchy!

Those were times when Freesia actually still remembers that she's got a long time friend who's more than obliged to meet her clubbing/dancing needs with her! Lol. I think this was taken outside Coco Latte. Hmmm, I wonder if that club's still around.

Ah, how could I ever forget that night at the Esplanade. After our MRM paper, a couple of mass communists and I headed over to the Esplanade for chocolate waffles and a night camwhoring by the bay. There're many more where those came from! Some pretty darn funny ones at that. And clearly, from the pictures, u can tell that I just had a session under the sun earlier during the day and I was rightfully and truly burnt!

E.T's got competition! Haha. Shot taken by Freesia. We headed off to home club after that for cheap beer and good music. =)

Taken at Villa Bali! Haha. I'll never forgot how Jolene and I said we were going to the toilet but ran off to the entrance of Villa Bali to snap self-timed shots instead. And how we later got caught by Joseph who walked out to take a phone call and saw us whoring ourselves to death! Haha! But we were hardly embarrassed! We just continued. Lol. Ah, those were fun times! =)

I'm getting a tad tired from uploading all that photos... Ok, about done! One Nite Stand! I miss that place, I swear! The live band never fails to amaze and the crowd (though of a differing age group) is pretty fun! And we were having quite a blast that night, as u can tell! KL could actually carry Drew! =D Ok, last few!

Zouk's 16th anniversary! Cupcakes, pretty balloons, tray after tray of shots, beer! I recall spending a very long time lying on either Tony's or Jarryl's lap outside Zouk shivering the shit outta myself. Judging on how lobster red both Tony and I were in the second picture, u can gauge by your own discretion how much alcohol there was going around!

Ok, I think I've procrastinated enough. Hello, Media Law. I haven't read you yet, but please don't be difficult.

2008-01-04T18:01:00.000+11:00

Lets see, on the 1st of Jan, I had intentions to go to work but I didn't. 2nd Jan was the first day of school, and I made no effort in turning up. What a start to the new year! Whatever happened to all that motivation I used to embody. All flown away with the start of 2008.

Must. Find. Motivation! Last. Month. Of. Schoooool!

It's gonna b hectic. I can feel it, and see it from all those deadlines and assessed this and that. Looks like the month of January isn't gonna b very jolly!

Reflecting on 2007, the year was choked full of ups and downs. From tremendously horrible break up, broken friendship. To new friends made, and a handful of old ones I wouldn't trade for anything. From scoring amazingly low for my 4th semester (thanks to the break up), to finally making up for it in the 5th. Mayb because so many things've happened in 2007 that the year seemed to just have whisked by.

By the looks of it, I don't think 2008's gonna go by any slower. Graduating, finally going out to work, applying for uni! And I'm very sure God's planted a few "surprises" for me along the way. Please let them be pleasant ones!

Well, enough of looking in retrospect and wondering what lies far ahead. What's gonna happen right after I finish this entry is me doing my masina project, and hitting the streets by dinner time. Friday night yo! Haven't stepped into a club with the sole purpose of having drunken fun in an amazingly long time. Tonight's the night!! Bestgirl! Put on ur best! =D

2007-12-26T03:14:00.000+11:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS! =)

Since the new year's on it's way, lets set a couple of resolutions.

- Exercise more. At least once a week. I'm literally made of flab at the moment.
- Learn how to play a good game of golf. I hit almost a hundred meters on my first lesson! =D
- Come home earlier, sleep earlier, wake up earlier.
- Start giving a shit abt my tresses. How they are, look and feel.
- Get a decent job, with a decent pay, in a decent environment.

Hmmm, think that shld already b quite a handful. I've got 1 last resolution though, but that's gonna b kept secret for the time being. Bit of an unlucky charm to reveal this little resolution!

Well, I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Mine was quiet, quiet but lovely. =) If not, I hope u have a blast on new year's!

2007-12-19T08:03:00.000+11:00

Hello, World. I just got up. Yes. At 5am. An amazing feat for someone who usually needs the earth to quake before stumbling outta bed.

Well, I'm up to do my Radio Drama script. Was too sick (literally) and tired to finish it last night. So I've got another 3 and a half hours before I gotta leave my house for school. That means 3 and a half hours to do my script. So I should go go go and do do do and stop procrastinating procrastinating procrastinating.

Random. My Friendster horoscope says there's a lot of intense energy in the air today, and that I should not ignore my problems. Ok. I'll start talking. Sigh.

2007-12-17T01:38:00.000+11:00

What a wonderful feeling to wake up with a knuckle in your nose, and to find that the covers've been robbed from you for you've no clue how long!

Alright, the past 3 days were a blast. I've been feverish all 3 days and I've got this blocked nose that just refuses to clear, but I really did enjoy being forced to drink water till I was nothing more than a water balloon and being accommodated to just because I'm a sickly little thing. =D

Even though u greeted me in the morning with a jab in my leaky nose, I still love u very very much. =) Thank you for helping me with my project! *hugs. Phuket would have been a very nice getaway for u, me and the lot. Too bad a quarter of the lot doesn't have enough money for the trip. Still, it was nice getting excited even though we already guessed the result (a no-go)! Hahaha. =D

Finally got the pictures from Mikeller! The ones from that St James fashion show which happened some time back. When I finally got the chance to look at them, I thought they were pretty funny! We were so action.

That night was fun.

Well, the holidays are suppose to have started, but I gotta b in school at an unearthly 8am tmr to start off and finish up my video editing. After which, I'm doing sound editing for Radio from 2pm to 6pm. The hours're longer than a normal day at school. Sigh. I cannot wait for school to be over. Reasons being a never-ending stream of work, amongst other things. Seems like certain things are starting to fall apart as poly life draws to a close.

Can't wait for tmr to b over. Tmr night, salvation takes human form and brings dinner along with it.

2007-11-26T05:39:00.000+11:00

Too much of a lot of things good and bad.

On Friday, I helped out in this traffic police TV commercial and I filmed non-stop for close to 12 hours. I love filming, it's fun, but 12 hours straight's just too much fun to handle.

On Saturday, I was at St James at 4.30pm to rehearse for a fashion show which only happened at 11. There was a lot of waiting around, a little too much actually. But granted, the walk was rather enjoyable and I thought the make-up and hair was really well done.

On Sunday, I went to work, left at 8pm, then went to do some project work at Dan's. My only highlight was sneaking out of the shop for abt half an hour for a quick spree at La Senza. It was fast but completely delicious. I swear. They were having a 50% sale and big thanks to FJ Benjamin for being their distributor, my colleague and I got extra off. Bought a lovely PJs set and 2 gorgeous girl chest stuff for $60!!

Ok ok. I need to crash! Till I get my hands on the pictures of the fashion show at St James!

2007-11-23T19:19:00.000+11:00

There're people who make life difficult, whether intentionally or not. And there're those who do the exact opposite, and those're the ones we fight to keep close to our hearts.

There're alot of unpleasant things in this world. We see, hear and experience things we'd rather not. Lately, I've been hearing a great deal abt things I'd turn a deaf ear to in a heartbeat. But how much is too much? U can't always ignore what's happening around u when it wouldn't stop happening, around you. Or can you.

There're vices in this world. Cigarettes, eating disorders, pimples, alcohol. For some women, men. For some men, boobies and vagigis.

But more than not, a lot of things is what we perceive them to be, and what we choose to do.

I chose to b hush abt the negatives and not go around telling how negative things are so that others wouldn't hear of the negativity and start developing negative views. But I have a boundary, and what it's been keeping in check is about to edge over.

2007-11-20T04:01:00.000+11:00

I can feel this impending act of inspirational blogging within me that's struggling to materialize! It actually struck me a couple of days back but it hit when I was drained, sweaty, ridiculously tired, and at 5 in the morning. OH WELL. Just had an interesting slash odd slash funny slash (insert appropriate adjective) conversation with a friend. Here's a snippet.

don't fade away says: haha
don't fade away says: YES
don't fade away says: age and weirdneswss
I WANNA GO HOMEEEEE says: hahahahaha
I WANNA GO HOMEEEEE says: looks pretty obvious to me
I WANNA GO HOMEEEEE says: if a guy at 1am has nothing better to do then to drive halfway across the island just to look up a girl for supper
I WANNA GO HOMEEEEE says: his intentions are pretty clear duncha think?
I WANNA GO HOMEEEEE says: huge huge huge crush

I think interesting's more of it. But but but, I half disagree with him. Maybe that guy's just some weird ass dude who finds solitude and joy in contacting the girl in the middle of the freaking night, when he hardly even calls her during the day and dropping surprise (I can't say pleasant for sure) visits with no real intention. I reckon most girls'd find it rather sweet, but I just think it's... odd. But hey, that fella's 10 years older than that girl and older man do have their own eccentric way of doing things!

Wellll, lets see. School work, on track. Social life, general lack and loss. Work, completely stopped so my bank can prepare to start drying up soon esp since I just signed up for 1 credit card and 2 debits with rebates all over the place. Sleep, general lack too but at least I try to use the weekends to make-up for the loss. And finally, modeling stuff, long unpaid hours. Hahaha. But what can I say, I love it. Unsound, I know. =D

Ok, until the inspiration actually strikes, I leave you with a few shots from the only camwhoring session Fel and I have had since school started.

2007-11-01T02:33:00.000+11:00

This's a fucking outrage.

I would fucking beat those dickheads to pulp if I could!!!!! Though the poor old man hardly has any measurable strength he still obliged to ferrying these 3 full grown children around, and these 3 English barbarians have absolutely zilch empathy towards the ordeals of the elderly especially the one trying his extreme best to give them a unique experience on their fucking vacation. It's enraging because these 3 British fuckballs are disgustingly inhumane and deserve nth less than to be sent right off to hell and condemned to paddle a trishaw each with 3 fat Chinese men as their passengers for eternity for scoffing and laughing at an old fella struggling his heart out to bring their 3 fucking heavy asses from one place to another.

CHEAP THRILL IS IT. What 2 miles an hour!? U want smth faster? I can slap u 20 times faster than that! Want or not!!!? Repugnant beings!

"WE MUST HUNT THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS DOWN WITH AIRCRAFT AND THE CURRENT HIGH TECH SECURITY AND TRACKING SYSTEMS, CAPTURE THEM AND SUBJECT THEM TO BRUTAL TORTURE FOR AS LONG AS THEY FUCKING LIVE" (Pants. Look after you, MSN conversation, 2007)

ARGHHHH. *breaks, tears, screams, slams*

2007-10-29T14:57:00.000+11:00

I spent the last half hour listening to old school radio drama. Well equipped with static and organ music. Theatre of the mind indeed, u must must listen intently, stray for just a moment and u'll miss out a whole chunk of the story.

Mayb for my radio drama project, I shld do an adaptation of Stardust by Neil Gaiman. Hmmm, interesting.

Ok, Halloween Halloween Halloween. It's sad that it's not in Singapore's culture to celebrate Halloween. But if we did, I'd be a very excited little child. Trick or treating. Spending the night concocting mischief after mischief. Speaking of which, Jols Imms and I are actually thinking of going Trick'or'Treat-ing on Halloween night!

Hmmm, mayb if we were 50cm shorter and our voice just a pitch higher, the neighbours'd b less likely to slam their doors in our faces.

But yea, Halloween. Pw and I got spots on the Halloween Bus. Initially, I was cussing and grumbling abt having to dress up, make-up, yada yada yada, but I cannot deny, it was pretty darn fun! Spartans were clowning around, the SAW pig mask guy went around scaring the shit outta people, vivacious Vendetta taking pictures with iPods, Scott the Priest went on blessing a variety of characters with the Holy Spirit...

Pw and I went as twin zombies. We made our own costumes out of an oversized men's Giordano tee, coffee powder, charcoal, a pen knife, some fire, and a bit of water. And I must add, we did a fairly good job! I don't have a picture of the both of us together yet, but here's a prelude..

I knw what u're thinking, we don't look quite like zombies. We're missing the blood, dead peeling skin, greenish complexion, but we were running short of time and I was honestly satisfied enough with how we already looked. Oh oh, but right above, u witness the pair of maryjanes, which I deliberately destroyed, my dad calls "the war shoes". Pretty beaten up aye! =) I'm thinking of wearing them out more regularly.

Sigh sigh. I've this unsettling feeling about school work. The project descriptions and assignments for practically all modules're already out, but it doesn't seem like I'm all that busy yet and that's really scaring me. I need to feel engaged and driven to insanity, choked under a deluge of workkkk! Jas and I were just discussing and realised that we actually miss having not slept for 3 days running and still banging away at our keyboards completely and utterly tired outta our wits. No doubt we'd b a little angsty and pining for just 10 mins of shut eye, we get a sort of... high.

Alright ah! Time for my energy booster before I plunge right into brainstorming for story ideas for my TV journ! HORLICKSSSS.

2007-10-22T23:07:00.000+10:00

That's right. Heavenly Horlicks is my current addiction. Today, for the first time in time immemorial, I retired home before the sun actually disappeared completely into the West. Now that's quite an achievement, I must say. I was hardly home before midnight during the holidays. But anyway, I was lazy as hell when I got home but I still plodded myself down to the supermarket because I knew the night would b unbearable without my fix of Horlicks. And I was caught in the act by Fel who called me while I was on my quest for my malted goodness. "You're damn random la!", she said.

So I'm into my final semester in school. Time truly flies. Then again, so much has happened in the 2 and a half years I've been attending Ngee Ann Poly. So much that it doesn't seem possible that 2 and a half years can actually contain that much.

Adidas is the real time client for all those who're taking Advance Advertising and you shld've seen how elated everyone was when Jenny Low broke the news. But I thought abt it after, Adidas already has such strong branding. Whoever can beat Impossible Is Nothing? I bet the copywriter who came up with that tagline is probably living in Malibu, in some really spiffy place along the beach. And he probably wakes up to a different woman every weekend. All of them, gorgeous. Sigh.

On to my other current addictions, The Big Bang Theory, Dirty Sexy Money, Gossip Girl, Heroes 2. I love Wentworth Miller but I think Prison Break shld've stopped at season 1. Thus, after watching season 2, which has zero inclination to the title of the show, I've given up. Wentworth still looks pretty darn hot in that prison uniform, but I don't quite think he's hot enough for me to trudge thru another season. I'm happy with my Wentworth wallpapers. =D I'm kidding, I don't have any.

Reallyy!

Well, I guess it's back to research for the rest of the night.

2007-10-16T03:03:00.000+10:00

I JUST CAME BACK FROM HARD ROCK'S KUMAR NIGHT! =D

HYPERHYPERHYPER

Pity I was way too drained to stay for the second set! But he was fantastic! Wanted to catch him as The Queen earlier this month at the esplanade, but it kept slipping my mind to buy the tickets and I always ended up, in front of my computer at the end of the day, whacking my forehead because I'd b staring at Kumar winking at me, in his full make-up and dramatic ensemble (I have the pamphlet on the desk beside my computer table. Yes, I have a computer table). Yes, how absentminded of me to forget for the 15th hundred time. I work in town dhey. How can I keep forgetting.

Oh well oh well, it's past it's past.

I'm tired but hyper but I think it's time to go to bed cause I've gotta wake up at 7.30am for school tmr I had school today too though technically it was ytd but anyway it was at 1pm but I had to wake up at 8am cause I had to go to work in the morning I worked from 9.30am till about 12pm left for school then came back again after until closing which was 10pm but that's not the vexing part the vexing part was my supervisor who asked me if I could leave school to look after the shop because the other girl had to go somewhere important urgently which I found out later wasn't anywhere important at all SHE WANTED TO GO AND SEE HER BOYFRIEND WHOM SHE HASNT SEEN FOR 3 DAYS AND WAS BOOKING BACK INTO CAMP TODAY/YTD kill me

Nightnight.

2007-10-06T05:51:00.000+10:00

Lets see. I made a friend waste her time, effort and money on a fruitless trip all the way from her home in Pasir Ris to Orchard Road, and back again. And I feel absolutely TERRIBLE about it. I locked my brother out for the 2nd time this week. It was completely unintentional. He was still pissed, but I don't feel bad about that. If an apology didn't cut it, then too bad for him.

I got back not more than an hour and a half ago, feeling extremely worn out and worked to the bone. I'm currently typing this entry with droopy eyes and a slanted head (so that my neck doesn't have to work to keep my head up). I feel odd, tired and horrid about myself today. If I had known that taking up a second job'd get me this frazzled, I might not have taken it.

Wait. Mayb I would. The pay's rather attractive.

But on to the sliver lining of this dreary cloud. Aside the mishaps, it's been quite dandy. Clubbed with Charis and Pipi. Met up with Ning and Eunice for a spot of lunch and a bit of karaoke. Hung out with colleagues. Had midnight meals accompanied by comfort talking with PW. But of all the people I met and things I did since the last time I blogged, I think this takes the cake. It's significant cos I havent seen/spoken to/heard from these 2 girls (they were once a huge part of my life) collectively since we graduated from secondary school, and we finally made an appointment.

I was due to meet Immelia on Tuesday, but before stepping outta the house, I was half hearted. I half felt nervous yet excited, and half felt contemplate-ish and kinda dreaded a speculated awkward outcome. But thank God, it was nothing like that!

We spent a bomb that day though. On shoes and bags and all sorts of random dingdangs girls buy. After a sinful session of retail therapy, we found ourselves nestled in comfy chairs at Starbucks, talking about how life's been treating us and everything else inbetween.

The follow day saw Immelia, Jolene and myself down at Clarke Quay's TCC talking and laughing away. Catching up, reminiscing, being comical. It honestly felt really nice catching up as a trio. The last memories I had of us was when we skipped thru town donned in a pretty navy pinafore and a white belt which hung loosely on our hips. Or mayb it was prom.

We settled by the river after having some pretty awful chocolate fondue at some supposedly prestigious chocolate bar. But the rest of the night was documented by a good hundred or so pictures, which would kill me to upload, and it was a frightful load of fun.

So long story cut short, everything about our little date was pricelessly heartwarming and I guess after all these years, we still have the chemistry to keep it going.

OK, I'm really exhausted. Working again tmr. I swear, one of these days, I'm bound to step into the wrong shop on the wrong day.

Pretty aye? The new brand I'm attached to. Thomas Pink. Well, it's not new new, but it's new here in SG. U shld seriously check out the shirt boxes. They're the prettiest boxes around. I'm taking one home soon.

ok. slepp. tired. wah. canoto take it.

2007-09-21T03:12:00.000+10:00

This's odd. It's only 1am and I'm already feeling spaced out. Like it's 5 in the morning or smth. I think sleeping for about 14 hours a day has its adverse effects. Having bummed around for the past 4 days has left me feeling strangely lethargic. I suppose eating big fatty meals, going out and spending future money on things I already have, stationing in front of the computer for hours watching show after show, and doing nth particularly constructive really does make u feel like u're just wasting ur life away. I can't wait to get back to work on Saturday (Charis, please don't kill me, we'll still go out after! Promise!).

So the time tables're out. So much for Photo Journ. If u didnt rank it ur first choice, u wldn't have gotten it. But Lucky Little Jasmine refreshed her page at precisely the time when someone dropped her (I heard it was this girl) Photo Journ class and there, she got her dream module. Nice. =) Well, after an hour of refreshing the page and hoping for a Photo Journ slot myself, I gave up and went back to bed, also forsaking the terrific sunlight that I was meant to be basking under. I need some colour, badly.

Considering what a sloth I've been the past 4 days, I don't knw if I'm really looking forward to a weekend of late nights. Even staying out to chill and talk cock doesn't sound as enticing as it used to. I really just wanna cuddle up under my blanket and dissolve into my sheets.

Oh no, I'm becoming old.

2007-09-19T04:35:00.000+10:00

I haven't blogged nor tried blogging in awhile. Reason I say tried blogging's cos I do occasionally log onto blogger and attempt to key an entry. Sadly, the entry turns out too honest, revealing an uncomfortable amount of the truth, and I end up highlighting the whole thing and contemplating for a split second before I hit Backspace. But u knw what, for tonight, lets just not give a damn. If u (whoever u are, dear reader) do see this post, it would mean that I actually did go as far as finishing my story and clicking the Publish Post. Or I could wind up doing the same ritual I do every time and u'd never knw that I ever did try writing an entry.

Well, that was like the preface for my entry. Just to get u stirring a bit now so that I can leave u going "chey.." at the end of it.

Last Friday's free flow at Hacienda was quite dandy. Aside having to queue for what seemed like an hour, we found a nice spot at the smoking area and I learnt most of the secrets to those daft guessing games only insanely bored people wld play. Nice! Time to go trick people who don't knw. Oh but, after getting a spot, we found out that we could've actually ordered from the table.

The Puma event at Zouk was one of the better events I've been to. The beatboxer was beyond awesome! Also, Jas and I earned ourselves 4 jugs of rum and coke from shooting crushed up newspaper balls into a basketball loop. =)

And today, I had every intention to sleep a lot earlier but I stayed up so I could complete watching Heroes. Yes, season 1, I knw season 2's already coming out (or out already, but only to Tony. Lol. I'm joking, friend.). I've always had the episodes, got the last one within hours of its release. I guess the idea that a certain someone used to upload Heroes episodes from me just so he could bring it back to his loft and watch it with his, I don't knw, Affair(?), or with the Affair and a group of their friends kinda made me sick enough to bring a hiatus to Heroes.

But I finally got well and finished up what I've actually been anticipating to watch. Though, thinking abt the past's making me feel a tad nauseous. Like there's a lump in my throat. Or mayb it's because I'm too tired. Guess I shld just go sleep it off.

2007-09-07T05:24:00.000+10:00

Just felt like dropping an entry before shuffling myself in between my sheets.

So, so much for my kelong trip. Dad pulled a stunt on me 2 days ago when I reminded him that I was leaving on Saturday. He asked me to bring him the calendar. He took a look at the lunar dates, turned at me and said, "Oh, Ghost Festival not over yet. 7th month cannot go out to sea. U can't go."

I thought he was kidding.

I laughed myself up to my room, sat in front of my computer for 20 mins contemplating abt what just happened, and went back down to ask if he was for real.

Oh, ok. He wasn't kidding. PFFT. I even bought a nice A5 notebook and a click pen for the trip! So much for that. Looks like I gotta bring my getaway somewhere else.

Aside my ruined weekend, I'm fussing over some miscellaneous matters. 1) Like my freshly injured righthand middle finger - I got cut by one side of a scissors and it's quite small but it's affecting my daily chores ok. 2) My still tinted pink lefteye - it was infected 4 days ago. Terrifying shade of red, pus mucus all. Disgusting. 3) My current horrific facial complexion - facial, oh, facial. Aren't u suppose to b helping me? Not making my imperfections more obvious?! 4) Tmr's closed door event at the store - die. Just. Die. 5) Bank running lowww - I desperately need my pay. It won't b much though, thanks to CPF. BURN U, CPF. 6) Miscalculations and objections against my decision to apply for the July '08 intake at Murdoch - OMG, the loan's impossible to pay of. So many choices to make, incredibly important decisions. Sigh.

What a week huh. Oh well, my highlight's Saturday(day out with PW) and Sunday(duck race and opera at Vivo). So so, Friday, quick b over and done with!

2007-09-01T17:53:00.000+10:00

And I convince myself, that maybe if you knew what your words did to me, you wouldn't say them. But I was wrong.

Red for Love. Pink for Memories. Blue for Miracles.
Let me witness a miracle.

2007-08-31T05:56:00.000+10:00

So there we have it. An up-turned body clock, a more developed beer belly, some alien growth on my face manifestering, being caught on TV(by I have no idea how many people) speaking the lousiest mandarin, work work work work.

I wouldn't have spent my week otherwise!

Monday Tuesday Wednesday was the Heatwave chalet, the turn-out wasn't fantastic but we had our spasms of hysteria. First time I ever had my hand on poker and, boy, was it FUN! Jocelyn, full-time presenter, and I teamed up against the next Programme Director of Heatwave at a game of Strip Poker(now now, head out of gutter please). Of cos to avoid violating any women rights, the stripers were Afiq(our's) and Paul(opponent). Both males with longer than normal tresses but males nonetheless.

Hear this, our first time at poker, and we won! And with a very nice win I might add.

Cool aye? Our cards were a King and a Jack and all we were missing was a 10 to make it a Royal Flush. So needless to say, Paul was stripped down to naught but his undies. We had the time of our lives! Even Paul's partner in crime was having too much fun laughing to feel bad about it! Haha!

The second night was nice and slow, just chilling in a Circle of Death. Some drinking game I was taught abt a year back. Noone got drunk though, we were short of alcohol. But the 2 poor muslims had to suffer gulping down bottles of water as their forfeit since they couldn't drink. =/

Oh well, that was my week.

Half looking forward to kelong next weekend. Jas pulled out last min and it's tempting me to pull out too, but I know shldn't cos the rest put in quite a bit of effort planning the whole thing. Dang. No female company. I'm just gonna nestle in a comfy chair and enjoy the scenery with my earphones plugged in and some paper and pen for whatever.

But from now till the 8th, I've decided on a nice slow week. Nth that'll get my adrenaline pumping too high. That means...

No Shopping (I swear if I don't stop, I'm gonna go broke)
No Drinking (Haha! Ok, smth more realistic. No Drinking Too Much)
No Exercising (I'm just a bum)
No Clubbing (Everything's in my mp3, I can do it in the train on my way to work)

Oh well, very blatantly, the blogging bug bit me tonight. That's how I even managed to churn out so much rubbish. But but but, the bed beckons.

Anyway, aside to PW. I can't reach you! So please please call me sometime this week so we can meet for dinner or smth before I leave for kelong!!! Darling! =D

2007-08-25T07:44:00.000+10:00

Such late hours call for a slower song, a pensive mood, and lots of plain water (dehydrated from drinking too much).

I came across this awesome site to download music from, so I spent 3 hardcore hours just downloading music and nothing else. I ended up sleeping at 6 yesterday morning. But it was worth it. Now, I've got a whole repertoire of songs by bands I've never heard of and the music is quite my cup of tea. Though, my body clock's a bit screwed up right now.

So see, I love emo songs even when I'm generally quite happy which I am. They put me in this very collected-meditative kind state. And there's this brilliantly depressing song I got hooked on to the first time I listened to it. I think from the time I heard it till now (which's about 24 hours), I've heard it close to 30 times.

But emo songs, being emo songs, gets you nostalgic forlorn wistful. You name it. Most of all, it gets you wondering all over again. Not that the heartbreak matters anymore. Not like you're questioning all over again, why promises were broken. I mean you question, but you already know the answer. I think it's the disappointment people can't get over. Cos they pin so much hope on another they thought was worth it. I guess not.

I was chatting up with Zach over a dim sum supper and amidst business ideas, endeavours, and everything corporate, we talked about how relationships can be brought down to dust in just 1 night and a completely irrational move. He even admitted (yes, "admitted") to me with much honesty that all guys are bastards in one way or another, including himself. The only non-bastard guys I know of are the ones I watch on TV or friends of friends of friends which I only hear of. But who's to say, perhaps I haven't had the honour of meeting someone truly decent. Like, TRULY.

Forgive this terribly self-indulgent rant, this sweet dreary mood's gnawing on my nerves but I love it. Quite a closet screw up aye.

-

Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but I want it so

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

You're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay

Because I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Because I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly

2007-08-17T05:53:00.000+10:00

Increasing tendency to want to blog as morning creeps closer. Feeling half whoozy cos I've been telling myself to hit the sack since 1am, and I think my brain's already a quater asleep.

Oh, but today(Thursday) was a fruitful day. Finally packed half of my room. When I say "finally", I mean like "FINALfreakingLY". My mum, with her astounding stamina and persistency, has been nagging at me to pack my room for the past 2 years. And I FINALfreakingLY got down to it today. I made history. I even bought a pretty little box to store all them misc little things and it's now sitting prettily on my dresser. Next on my task list, my study desk.

There, I took twenty years to find my SanDisk memory card reader in that mountain of sundry items. And if you're wondering whether that blue box with the words "BE SAFE" on it contain condoms, NO, I'm to sorry to disappoint u but it'll actually disclose a small bottle of Nivea Sunblock. It was given to me during some party last week. I don't know what kinda connection sunblock has with nightlife, alcohol, smoke, and grinding.

Just one last random thought before I concuss. It's truly sad how 2 people who used to be able to talk about anything and everything with such ease and amore have to now struggle to find a simple connection. Circumstances have their way of ruining very beautiful relationships. But I only have you to blame.

Good night.

2007-08-14T04:02:00.000+10:00

Ah, hello Drafted. It's been long. So many things've happened and I don't know where to begin. Well, first of all, I'm back at Raoul. It's ironic I knw. I was dying to get outta that shithole(ok, "shithole" may b a bit too harsh, but u get my drift) 5 months ago but today, I practically skipped my way to work. AND, I worked a grand total of 13 hours which, I felt, passed pretty quickly. It's contradictory cos the me 5 months ago would've been pining to knock off after a skimpy 4 hours.

And and, I think through the past 2 weeks, my life span has shortened by at least a full year or 2. Countless late nights, financial stress, drinking, immeasurable exposure to radiation. I think I've grown a beer belly. And I'm balding too. My brother and I are thinking of making an appointment at Yun Num. Oh crapo, tired mind. Forcing fingers. Type randomly.

Ok ok, in propriety. A very Happy 19th to my dear Fel and Shu!!! Sweet sweet 19th! Love you 2!

Next, HOORAH! Internship's over babeh! Happy but sad. Ambivalence. Yes, that's what they call it. But but, we've got the chalet to look forward to. And I'm sure it'll b a blast! The food's already ordered!

Following, Paul Chen! U're back! Can't wait for our lovely dinner by the pool. That's on our to-do list! =) It feels more complete with you around. I thank you for being a good friend. Despite having been a thousand and ten miles away, you always made the effort. *hugs

Ok, the 3rd hour of the morning's drawing closer. My contact lenses're fogging up. I haven't showered since I came home from work. So tata! My next entry'll be more intelligible.

2007-07-20T20:02:00.000+10:00

Addicted to this.

I miss you
I miss being overwhelmed by you
And I need rescue
I think I'm fading away
But I keep thinking that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear
I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room

So I wait and I wait
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days we laid by the school and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be

I miss you
I miss talking all night long with you
And I need this to find a way to your home
My love can you hear me
Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough
Can you see me when I'm asleep all alone - alone

So I wait and I wait
And I run myself in the same old circles
I sit and I stare
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days that we laid by the school and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be

Can't keep my hands from shaking
Stumbling through the wreckage again
But you're gone

So I wait and I wait
And I run myself in the same old circles
And I sit and I stare
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days that we laid on our backs and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be
Was that the best I'll ever be
Was that the best I'll ever be

-

The Heatwave event was quite a blast! Aside the fact that I had to climb up and down, from block to atrium back to block then back to atrium, then to the student plaza then back to atrium and back to student plaza again. It doesn't stop there actually. But I'm way too drained to keep going.

Now, I'm just waiting in my office for my ride back home! =) How nice. Don't have to suffer the tediously long bus rides and an interminable transition.

Sigh. I suppose it's the period. PMS kicked in pretty bad this time. Influenced me to make a lot of decisions my non-PMSy self wldnt make. Well, ok, it's only a decision. But it's an important one. I guess it's for the better. After all, I'll be leaving this sunny little island for the land down under in less than a year, and then, I don't wanna have to cry for the things I've got to leave behind. But leaving for Aust isn't the reason. It's an excuse. A comfort factor.

Ppl regret. Regret giving up, regret not trying, regret not putting in their all. Humans also lament on certain things which they can't change. And if you can't change it, accept it. Accept it and move on. Sure it'll keep bugging you. Could it ever have worked? You'll ask yourself, over and over again in ur tired head. But things happen for a reason. For better or for worse. No point brooding over issues that only upset you right? So accept it, and move on. So much easier said than done.

They say, think abt the good times you had. Because drowning yourself in all the hate only means u have yet to let go. It leaves you still clinging on. I say, yes, begone with the bad times, but also good riddance to the happy. Good memories don't make you smile. Don't listen to those ppl who try to convince you into reminiscing the happy times. They're liars.

I hope in time, they'll fade. The past. Then it'll all fade. Everything. Even the person or ppl involved, the places scattered with memories, the starburst sweet warpers, the penguin water dispenser, the shoes. They'll all fade. And so will she.

2007-07-11T19:48:00.000+10:00

I've changed out of those cherry earrings. Tucked away my only watch. Kept all the warpers and bags deep in my closet.

2007-07-07T17:04:00.000+10:00

Compliment of the year...

"Even though you have a pussy, you don't act like you're one."

Wxsie, u're a doll. =) And I will talk to u again (like tonight or smth), abt your crisis!

-

This time, it's different. And I feel it. It's peaceful now, and I feel happier. It could really b better off this way.

Lets just remember this house. A dream home. Ok fine, not really. A place 2 persons wanted to invade and explore, but never got the chance to and never will again, for many reasons.

2007-06-27T00:33:00.000+10:00

What's happening.

I'm losing my drive. Where was all that passion and determination I used to have? I need that back. They gave me a direction. I hate wandering aimlessly. I need an impellent.

On a different note, Ikea meatballs are the bomb. I had forgotten how great they taste. I'm just craving for more now. But the weather was insanely humid. There wasn't a single gust of wind. I perspired like a dog walking home from the MRT. That was ytd, and it seems to me, today's not very much better. And despite already hiding in an air conditioned room, I still woke up today with a slight fever, a throbbing headache and feeling warm all over.

-

If you were me, what would you do? I think I've just about given enough chances.

Too much la, fuck.

2007-06-18T18:54:00.001+10:00

A friend passed me this link during work today..

She's has the sweetest, most lovely toothless smile!! Her singing almost made me cry. She makes you feel like dreams really do come true! Next, an opera sensation.

He may not have the looks of Brat Pitt, but he's so sweeeeeet! You just wanna give him a hug when he said that self esteem was a problem for him. Ok. Mayb it's just me. I wanna pull him outta the video and give him a tight squeeze!

2007-06-18T01:23:00.000+10:00

So this week was pretty great! Despite quarrelling with the other twice, everything's been pretty smooth. Workload at Heatwave's not too heavy, got a bit smashed during the Lush party, had 3 rounds of tequila pop with Freesia and Eileen (and another with my brother after they left) over the weekend! I think it was the booze which made everything a little fuzzier around the edges. Well, anyway, here's a deluge of pictures taken during the Lush party! There were plenty of local celebrities there that night. Quite naturally I suppose, seeing it's a Lush + Style mag party. Oh, and did I mention that my lecturers were there too? Cool stuff!

The Heatwave people! Myself, Val O, Adiel (looking drunk already), n Joce.

My Beautiful Radio Lecturers!

My Writt Comm tutor! I swear I love him to death. He gave me 27/25 (perfect score plus 2 bonus points) for my proposal essay! Hehe.

And the little lady at the bottom of the picture's my PR lecturer! She's cool. She's a Linkin' Park fan!

And we got a bit crazy after a couple of drinks. Oh yea, my Radio lecturer hung out with us the entire night. She even bounced to MOS with us!

Oh well, a bit too lazy to upload the rest, but it's abt the same. Just the same few beaming from head to toe.

This week felt good. And no, it's not just because of the alcohol. It's smth I can't quite put my finger to but it's a good vibe. But as Monday approaches, this good vibe feels like it's slipping away and a negative feeling's setting in. I think the red spot's here. Please say it's just PMS.

2007-06-14T03:28:00.000+10:00

Getting sick of the old banner, so I photoshopped a new one. It doesn't look right though, but I'm gonna stick to it for now, probably do up a nicer one when I'm free. And the fading words you see in the picture? It says "I love you still, I love you with all my hate". Got it off a tee I saw in Far East, so no points for originality there.

Well, other than work and the occasional catch ups, life's been pretty stale. Paul just flew back to Thailand, and it's a pity he cldn't stay 2 more days. We would have given him a 19th to remember.

I don't knw why, but I've this urge that's been nestling in my bones lately. I wanna get smashed on bottles and bottles of top-grade wine, or at least fairly good ones. I was over the phone with Alicia a moment ago, and we made vague plans of gathering a bunch of girls and heading out to drink. Please please! Let them come true!

But lucky me! Tmr's Style mag's 5th anniversary and they're collaborating with Lush and Heatwave ppl're invited. Looks like wine'll b pouring my way sooner than I think! =D

No, Val. No. It's not a good idea to get smashed during a "corporate" party.

Aiya, don't say. If my dizzy spells don't go away by then, I can forget about going.

2007-06-10T17:48:00.000+10:00

Jaja, I promised to blog about that statement u made and I'm going to!

Q: What's a holy fuck?
A: Fucking Mary Magdalene. That's a holy fuck.

I swear, Jarryl. U'll b damned to hell. TSK. Lol.

Well! Off to meet Paulina Tata and the bunch! Hehe. More of such blasphemous jokes!

-

Trust trust trust. It's such a fragile topic. Give me a reason to trust again.

2007-06-05T04:54:00.000+10:00

Anberlin and Copeland was fabbb! The interview with Stephen Christian from Anberlin was even better. He was really friendly and surprisingly modest abt the band having reached such heights. What's even cooler was when during the interview, I found out that Stephen Christian and Aaron Marsh from Copeland were going to record their collabo album right here in Singapore, in their hotel rooms! The album's gonna b released end of the year so fans, look out for it!

Anberlin closed the show and the energy they exuded really set the crowd off! Azhar and I were very happy to be sitting at the top. There was bodysurfing, moshing, the works. The last time I got caught in a mosh pit was at last year's baybeats, I was with Jols and our toes almost got castrated. But, watching the crowd from above was quite a sight and it seemed almost as fun! I guess u gotta have a love for shoving and being shoved around to love being in a mosh pit.

Well, I was there for Copeland, for sure. When they were playing, I slipped right into this zone. It felt as though it was just me and them, everyone else disappeared. And when Aaron Marsh started singing Brightest, I got all exhilarated and fumbled to get my camera recording as fast as I cld!

Here's Azhar and I, very thankful to b media.

And here's for the Anberlin fans!

Goodnight y'all!

2007-06-02T10:04:00.000+10:00

It's a miracle isn't it. Awake at 8am and it's a frigging Saturday. I'm even alive enough to b blogging! Before you think I'm a freak, I've got a very good reason.

Initially, I was suppose to b up and running by 6.30am (yes.) to help a friend with his film production, but I was too sick in the morning to crawl outta bed so I called him and explained that I'd b late. So an hour later, at 7.30, I managed to drag my heavy little backside out from under the sheets, shower and everything, and as I stepped out of the bathroom, my friend called informing me that he got a replacement and I shld stay in and rest instead. I think he probably thought I'd look too disgusting to go on film anyway, so might as well. Lol.

I feel really bad playing him out. Well, not really, but in a sense. But looking at my schedule for the next week or so, I'll jump at any chance of extra sleep or time off.

Singapore Street Fest alone is quite capable of draining every ounce of energy u have. What more with this "friendly" competition they're imposing between NUS campus radio (Radio Pulze) and ourselves (Radio Heatwave). Sigh. I see my weekends all burning right infront of me and I can't do anything to stop it. I honestly wldn't mind as much if I werent infected by the flu bug. I feel so sickly that I just wanna curl up like a prawn and hide underneath my blanket all day with a box of tissue.

Well, least I got off the hook today. Don't get me wrong. I'd love to help my friend out with his production. After all, I've done a few for the FSV lot and I do enjoy myself tremendously. But tmr's gonna b packed from noon onwards and getting a bit of time off today's quite a blessing.

Tmr. Singapore Street Fest from noon all the way till 6. Mini competition from 2 to 5 between NUS and us. Copeland and Anberlin from 6.30 till late. I want to meet Copeland! I want to take pictures with them. I want to get a liner from them. Media passes are love! =D

Next up on my agenda for today, interview with Anberlin at Home at noon and .. OMG! That's it! Hello bolster and pillows! Shall we continue..?

2007-05-29T04:55:00.000+10:00

If Jarryl saw what time this entry's being posted, he'll probably feel a twinge of disappointment, or mayb not. He was being such a sweetheart, staying up with me until I finish my script for my podcast. But I ended up procrastinating, like I always do. I'm sorry, Jaja. I'll beckon to bed the moment I'm done with this. And thank you.

I don't know what's the matter with me these days. I need to push myself to work. I hate the fact that I burn out real quick like a fucking low quality zippo twig. Ok, so mayb that analogy didn't make much sense. I'm not that much of a smoker as u can gather. And if u are my friend, don't even think about rebutting that point I just made about myself. I will merajok.

So, Maroon 5's new CD's quite the bomb. Perfectly emo songs which match my perfectly emo disposition quite perfectly. Actually, describing my mood in such absolute terms isn't most accurate because I'm quite done being emotionally drawn. I just feel quite .. blank. Tired. Weighted down by the pressure of work and by my sub-conscious, telling myself to buck up and get that bloody A grade. Of which I need quite badly. Seeing how horribly I did last semester (thanks to my tendancy of getting too emotionally involved in matters not concerning academics), I need a fairly good grade this sem to pull up my GPA. Especially if I want to get anywhere worth my while.

Sometimes, I quite badly wish I knew what my future is like. Whether I'll carve my life around my career or around a family. Or will I even have a family considering the amount of faith I've lost in men. I suppose bad experiences are just all part and parcel of life, and it doesn't matter how old u are when u're going thru it, all that matters is that u learn from it and start to make wiser choices. Or mayb just build a wall around your heart and never ever ever let it down ever again.

My fatigue speaks. Forgive the blabber and don't be mistakened, I'm not emo, just really worn out.

2007-05-20T21:01:00.000+10:00

"When you have 1 son, you worry about 1 son. But if you have a daughter, you worry about all the sons in the world."

Why I love emo session with JJ.

And thru much discussion regarding career paths, passion, and electives, I've discovered another way to travel the world. You know how most girls dream about becoming a waitress in the air? To see the world and whathaveyou. Well, needless to say, I fall victim to that as well. It's not a job I yearn with all my heart, but it is an option I'm open to. However, Dan voiced out his opinion on smth I could possibly take up and I must say, it's pretty enticing! TV, radio, journ, travel! All in 1! Looks like I've got a bit of considering and sorting out to do. Good problem to have. =)

I was just browsing thru today's Lifestyle and I came across an entire page on yachts and boat culture in Singapore. The pictures of the interior of megayachts just blew me away. They look like 5-star hotels, just that they're floating.

During my birthday this year, a friend(lets call him J) asked me what my ideal birthday celebration would be. I never really gave thought to that because really, as you get older, the excitement of birthday parties and what knots kinda die down. If u're the clubbing sort, u spend it in a club. If not, u just have a nice a nice dinner or go somewhere to chill with a group of friends who're almost as close to u as your family. But J gave a splendid suggestion on how to celebrate a birthday. Rent a yacht for a day and have a couple of friends over, have some food, a bit of champagne, and there you have it. A special occasion accompanied with; a perfect night under the stars with people you love to mark the day.

But sometimes, we don't need a special occasion to celebrate! Time to check out yacht rental rates!

2007-05-09T01:39:00.000+10:00

Fel, this is for you. Because u've been one of the best friends a person can find.

U have altruistically put in the effort for the ones u love (friends and family), and u took the time and patience to listen to them. After 2 months of IBP - and after getting the chance to know u better - we both realised that we are almost characteristically akin. Just that mayb u are alot louder and expressive than I. But whatever it is, I feel very fortunate to have met u. A person with so much love to give, who understands, and who feels for others. I would like to say a lot more, but for fear of sounding moderately gay, I close my note to u here.

Thank you so much for being such a friend to me. I love you.

(I hope that didn't come across too queer.)

-

NOTE: HEAVY CONTENT

In this world, there're alot of negative qualities in which people possess. Even too much of a certain good trait can reap a negative effect. Hypocrisy, lying, pretense, "bitchy-ness" (if that can b considered an attribute. I don't think many would disagree), etc.. Truth is, we're all a little bit hypocritical, we all slip a lie or 2, and we're all a tad pretentious. "Bitchy-ness"? Needless to say, most of us are to an extent. U know that time ur boyfriend pissed u off so badly, u called ur friend and spent the next 45 mins complaining about it? And how he's being a bastard and everything else? Yea, bitching. That's why sometimes, I ask myself, what constitutes a hypocrite, or a liar, since we're all a bit of everything ourselves.

I always imagined all these bad qualities to have a kind of boundary. Those who keep within that boundary are pretty normal. The ones who step over it are then worthy (so "worthy" isn't really the most suitable word here) to be labelled "hypocrite" or "bitch" or whatever. Of cos, this boundary - standard - is very subjective. So it's completely up to each individual to cypher a standard their most comfortable with.

-

Well, since the last time I blogged. Many birthdays have came and went. Dan's, Alicia's, my brother's, my very own 19th. I spent the night before my birthday at Villa Bali with a bunch of mass comm-ers, and we had a bloody good time. For a while, I actually forgot I had/have (cos they havent' gone away yet) problems.

This's all the visual aid I can afford to share without giving away too much of the fun we had. The only thing we lacked that night was a waterfall of alcohol, but a handful of us were pretty high on life so we settled for that.

So a birthday is like a new beginning right? And most of us seek changes - for us non goths, it's to change for the good - after our annual celebration. The bulk of us aim and work to make our lives better, ourselves happier. Well, for me, I aim to make the the back half or more (hopefully) of my 19th year a very satisfying and joyful back half. Gonna try to smile thru the storm.

Anyway, to end off my entry, here's an abstract of lyrics from 4 different songs that were introduced to me not too long ago.

I tried not to lose,
What I tried so hard to show to you.

How long, can I wait here?
I'm all torn, by your words.
I'm broken, yet we're still burning,
Just hold on till the end.

I crossed out all the stars,
To try to show that he was once amongst them.
I've only myself to blame.
(Fightstar)

I take another chance
Take a fall, take a shot for you
I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new
I loved you with the fire red
Now it's turning blue, and you said
"Sorry" like the angel
Heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize,
It's too late,
I said it's too late to apologize,
It's too late.
(One Republic)

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
(Mika)

You've got to get better
Said, it's all in your head
We could live through these letters
Or forget it altogether
See the months they don't matter
It's the days I can't take
When the hours move to minutes
And I'm seconds away,

Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care
Say you won't care
Retrace the steps, as if we forgot
Say you won't care
Say you won't care
You try to avoid it, but there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing about

When all that we need is just a reaction
It's too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore
Chasing our dreams is just a distraction
I want to remember what I know
That I can't go back
(Taking Back Sunday)

So sue me, they're all emo songs. Lol.

2007-04-27T03:18:00.000+10:00

Hahahaha.

-

Anyway... (edit for purpose)

WARNING: SPIDEY 3 SPOILER

There was a quote in the movie Aunt May said which struck me. It went smth along the lines of..

Peter: I've hurt her (MJ), and now I don't know what to do.

Aunt May: You start by doing the hardest thing. That is to forgive yourself.

*sigh. I hate movies. They coax u into believing that love like that actually does exist when the cold hard truth is that it doesn't.

Barely.

2007-04-24T03:13:00.000+10:00

QUOTE

It's funny. You love something and then one day it's suddenly gone or changed or lost forever. But somehow that doesn't stop your love. Maybe that's how you know it's something real. When it doesn't come with conditions and get-out clauses, when it doesn't have a best-by date. When you just give your love and never stop giving it and know that you never will. That's when it is real. That's when they can never touch it or spoil it or take it away from you.

UNQUOTE

Ok, I know I promised pictures, but work's gonna b hell this week and I foresee a lot of tension. Thus, I will need my fair share of rest hour. Yes, uploading pictures and editting them becomes a chore when u have as many as I do.

But, one for sneak peek!

2007-04-17T02:40:00.000+10:00

What did it mean? What did everything mean? They become questions, no longer statements we all thought were so deeply engraved in the hardest of stones. Even what he was, I begin to ask myself if he even really existed. But the soldiers of this battle that has been festering in my mind are growing tired of the same old routine and in their little beating hearts, they're pleading for the masters of North and South to come to an accord. An accord that will be made, eventually.

Hello, oh faithful April the 17th. May you be the start of whimsical beginnings all over again.

It's sad that the people who're loosing good faith these days are getting younger and younger. And when everyone else around you are cynics, you in turn get infected by their dreary ways. Who then do we seek to restore that faith again? That feeling that keeps us believing.

When things become disgustingly horrible, who do we pursue to help us climb out of that rut? It's true, when u're at Rock Bottom, the only way is up. But how does 1 even begin to stumble to their feet, much less climb outta the hole, when 1 has lost every streak of faith?

That's why I'm a hopeful who likes to keep her faith. It may dwindle now and then, but it's there nonetheless. Cos if keeping it means that I'm a helping hand to ppl who matter to me, then I'd fight to have it stay.

-

ANYWAY, the camp was great. Work has been pretty awesome. And now, it's time to hit the sack for tmr, Heatwave records in Lush! Pictures up soon!

2007-04-09T03:30:00.000+10:00

Whoot!! 3 complete days without my parents breathing down my neck! Heh. FMS year 1 orientation camp 2007!

Ok la, I love my Papi and Mummsy much and going to the camp's not an excuse to get away from their nagging (they haven't been nagging much. really la dhey.). I just want my CCA points! And of cos to spend days and nights in good accompany of my dear friends as we have craploads of fun! Hehe.

Some pretty exciting stuff coming up! Heatwave students broadcasting over Lush 99.5 (starting 21st April)! School re-opening (not like it concerns me, but yea)! Birthdays after birthdays after birthdays!!

Speaking of which! Happy 19th Shear!! =D

Alright! Early early day tmr! Hopefully after the camp, I'll have pictures to share! And I suspect that I'll get very little sleep the next 3 days. Hmmm.. Well, all in the name of good fun!! =)

-

U lost. U were always losing and u know it. So just pack up and go cos hoping won't do u any good. U were always losing. U lost.

2007-04-03T18:32:00.000+10:00

His "Hello" was the end of her endings,
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle.
His hand would be hers to hold forever,
His forever was as simple as her smile.
He said she was what was missing,
She said instantly she knew.
She was a question to be answered,
And his answer was "I Do".

2007-04-03T14:35:00.000+10:00

Though I've now lost a considerable amount of feeling in my fingertips thanks to 2 hardcore days of the guitar, I'm feeling very pleased with myself. I can now play You and Me by Lifehouse! =D

-

I've found a peace in my heart.